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Gymnastics

There are few of us left who remember the Gymnastics war of the late 80s. Some still dispute whether it actually happened. But I was there.....

Gymnastics has always been a female-dominated sport. From Terresa Nichol all the way up to Joan Sandelbag (I'm ommiting Pertunia Mantle from the list due to her involvement in the "Zurich Garden Party" of '77) However many males or anti-females have ventured to topple their facist and ruthless stranglehold of the sport. One such male was Barry Iotana.

Born in Latvia and briefly in Thailand, Barry had a dream to one day be a world class Gymnast. However, after being rejected from many girls-only gymnast schools, Barry turned his determination into anger and lashed out at the female judging board. On September 13th 1987, the first blow was struck with Barry himself leading a group of men to burn down the Frances Farmer auditorium in Macclesfield whilst the 41st annual Gymnasto-thon was being staged. This slight gender brew had gone on too long and Daphne Wilmont went to the UN. She stated it was time for male-female war and all the countries of the world must decide what side they should be on.

The Male Alliance of Germany, China and New Zealand backed Iotana and victory seemed assured. However, the US funded by Morrocan and Czech gold backed the females and on the slopes of Mount Doom a mighty battle was fought. None were spared, but after a shock change of sides by the Norweigans, the female gymnasts were victorious. A cannon was fired on April 9th 1990 to signal the end of the massacres.

In Geneva the next day the peace treaty was defined. Males could compete in Gymnastics but would not be respected at the sport and would simply be 2nd class citizens not only in the sport but in life aswell. Iotana was halved vertically for his actions and forced to live his life with no teeth. The total death count was 8500 Men, 7450 Women, 12 Russians, 1 sheep and 4 ghosts.

Remember those people. Remember them for what they died for. Remember them.

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