Handy Guide to: Brentford FC

As I perused the internets awaiting confirmation of the latest sacking for Schtevie Mac, imagine my surprise when I found the Derby County Footballing Superstars Roadshow ©™ would be demonstrating the beautiful game in its purest form this very weekend against someone called “Brentford FC".

Never having heard of this footballing minnow, I scoured the supernet highways to glean what I could and have collated it here such that you may impress your friends down the pub with ‘your’ knowledge.

Here we are then:

Brentford FC were formed in 1889, five years after the birth of football in a manger in Derby, in Hounslow, down that Landan Tahn. The local rowing club, disgusted at the lack of manliness if their chosen sport, had a vote to decide whether to spend their winters emulating their heroes from Derby or to chase eggs. Thankfully for both Brentford fans, sanity won the day.

Griffin Park is presently home to Brentford, however they are currently picking out curtains and lightshades for a new 20,000 seater home to better accommodate the travelling hordes who turn up in expectation of three easy points.

Rams and Jamaican legend Deon Burton played 40 times for Brentford as his career faded (2004/05) scoring 10 goals.

Hilarious panto star Bradley Walsh was on Brentford’s books in the 70’s however never made the first team squad.

Rams legend Lee Carsley is the second-most successful manager in Brentford history with a 50% win rate, outshone only by Mark Warburton’d 51.28%.

Life-long Brentford fan Matthew Benham is the current owner and chairman of the club, having helped the Supporters Trust wrest control of the club from Ron Noades after the tyrannical pirate finished asset-stripping it, and has injected around £100m in the whole infrastructure of the club. It was failure to agree with Benham’s vision that saw Warburton’s contract expire, a decision that rocked football… well, football in Hounslow anyway. Having built a fortune in sports gambling and statistical analysis, this is the approach he now employs to run his club and that Peeder uses to ruin most 606 threads.

Celebrity fans of the club include Hollywood favourite Cameron Diaz, former drummer and now professional Vidals impersonator Phil Collins, Michel Platini’s staunchest supporter Greg Dyke, and the career gurner Dean Gaffney but not Wellard.

’The Bees’ as the club is fondly called by its unimaginative fans were the first team to play all other 91 league clubs as they plummeted through the post-WWII divisions. They were also the last English side to win all of their home matches in a season in 1929/30.



That is literally every single thing that the interwebs knows about Brentford FC. There is no more knowledge to be had, anywhere. Presumably.