A Newcastle fan listing the ridiculous history of Newcastle United.
Director of Football Dennis Wise vetoing a cut-price deal for Bastian Schweinsteiger in favour of loaning a player he'd seen on YouTube.
German international Dietmar Hamann, in his first season at the club, receiving the secret Santa gift of a copy of Mein Kampf.
The same Christmas, Alessandro Pistone receiving the secret Santa gift of a sheep's heart because he "didn't have one of his own".
Alan Shearer punching, and subsequently knocking out, Keith Gillespie on a club trip to Dublin because Gillespie dropped some cutlery.
Alan Pardew blaming a 2-0 defeat away at Chelsea in August 2012 on the Notting Hill Carnival.
Alan Pardew blaming a lack of signings in the summer of 2012 on the idea that too many potential players were busy watching the Olympics.
Joe Kinnear ringing up TalkSport to declare himself Newcastle's new Director of Football and calling our best player "Yohan Kebab".
Kevin Keegan convincing Rob Lee to join Newcastle by telling him it was closer to London than Middlesbrough is.
Shola Ameobi being asked what his teammates call him and replying "Shola" then being asked what Sir Bobby calls him and saying "Carl Cort".
Newcastle midfielders Kieron Dyer and Lee Bowyer both being sent off in a match against Aston Villa for fighting *each other*.
Kenny Dalglish selling Les Ferdinand and David Ginola, and replacing them with 35 year old Ian Rush and 33 year old John Barnes.
John Barnes then being our top scorer with 6 goals.
Allowing Lomana LuaLua to play against us while he was on loan at Portsmouth. Then him scoring. Then him doing somersaults in celebration.
A fan punching a police horse.
Nobby Solano withholding his number, ringing up Sir Bobby Robson, and playing his trumpet down the phone to him.
Spending nearly £6m on Spanish defender Marcelino and him only making 17 appearances over 4 years because of a broken finger.
David Ginola being told he couldn't smoke on the team bus because it was unhealthy, just as the bus pulled up to buy the squad fish & chips.
Daryl Janmaat breaking two fingers by punching a wall because he was angry about being substituted after injuring his groin.
Joe Kinnear going on a scouting trip to Birmingham and coming away impressed by Shane Ferguson, who was on loan there from Newcastle.
Alan Pardew, in the middle of a match against Hull, headbutting opposition player David Meyler.
A drunk Clarence Acuna getting pulled over by the police while dressed as Captain Hook, citing he was too embarrassed to walk in fancy dress
Asprilla also once turning up to training 40 mins early rather than his usual 20 mins late because he didn't know the clocks had changed.
Owners Freddy Shepherd and Douglas Hall being caught calling all female Newcastle supporters "dogs".
Yohan Cabaye being denied a visa for a preseason tour of America due to an unpaid dentist bill.
Adjusting our ticketing structure after the fans chanted "If Sammy Ameobi scores we're on the pitch". He scored. They went on the pitch.
Sammy Ameobi and Demba Ba threatening a noise complaint to a hotel before realising that someone had left a radio on in their wardrobe.
Having a kick-off against Leicester delayed for an hour because our newly installed electronic screen nearly blew off in the wind.
Shola Ameobi ringing the police because of a suspected break in, then cancelling the call out when he realised his house was just untidy.
Charles N’Zogbia being forced to hand in a transfer request after Joe Kinnear called him "Charles Insomnia" in a post-match interview.
Being forced to deny that we were subject to a takeover attempt by WWE owner Vince McMahon.
Shay Given being awarded man of the match after we lost 5-1 to Liverpool.
Shola Ameobi appearing on MTV Cribs, and spending most of his time talking about his coffee table.
Newcastle turning down the chance to sign Zinedine Zidane for £1.2m in 1996 by saying he "wasn't even good enough to play in Division One".
Uruguayans tweeting abuse such as "Your mother in a thong" to Paul Dummett after a tackle on Luis Suarez may have kept him out the World Cup
Joe Kinnear's first official press conference as Newcastle manager beginning with, "Which one is Simon Bird? You're a c***".
.....................
That's not even all of them
I thought we could start our own, other fans feel free to join in about your own clubs.
I'll start:
Alex Ferguson getting hit in the face with a slice of pizza during tunnel gate.
Saw this on twitter
posted on 2/5/17
Wenger claiming you can't be a big club if you sell your best players, and then the club went on to sell Fabregas and Nasri.
Not signing Fabregas back from Barcelona, and instead letting him go to Chelsea, where he was a key component in them winning the league.
Slowly but surely allowing all the footballing minds leave the board, and replacing them with marketing merchants.
"Thank you for your interest in our affairs" - sarcastic words of the chairman at an arsenal shareholder meeting when fans were voicing concerns about the club.
Selling van persie to Utd, where he was a key component in them winning the league.
Audacious stunt/british core.
Wenger saying in the January transfer window of 2012 that it would be "silly" to drop points because of a lack of full backs as they all had big injuries. The club went on to not sign any full backs and lost games against Fulham and man United, losing goals as centre backs were exposed at full back.
posted on 2/5/17
Think my all time favourite Arsenal one is having two planes over the Hawthornes having a Wenger in/out argument
posted on 2/5/17
'Jones can be our greatest ever player'
'Your job now is to stand by our new manager'
It's fun ourselves for a change
posted on 2/5/17
*to wum ourselves
posted on 2/5/17
Comment Deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 2/5/17
Moyes saying we need to aspire to be like Man City
posted on 2/5/17
Comment Deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 2/5/17
Grey shirts at Southampton.
posted on 2/5/17
What about the purchase of John Obi Mikel, we managed to buy a player and sell him about 5 minutes later for about £16 million - well technically after all the courts had their say.
posted on 3/5/17
Drogba dancing with Hreidersson in match v Portsmouth in 2009-2010 season.