Linfield FC – All you need to know and less

Helmet on, flak jacket on, deflector shields on and here we go.

So Lads and Lassies the biggest show in town has arrived.
Forget your Barcelona and Red Imps, the most successful and trophy laden team in the FIFA confederation are finally coming your way.
“It’s an absolute honour to compete against one of the World’s truly great clubs" claimed a starstruck Brendan Rodgers.

Now for a few rough facts about our wee club (and not taken from the Daily Record)

As with the rest of the Northern Ireland Premier League, all the players are part-timers, or in Laymans terms… we are not very good. 18 hours a day building ships and working in the Mills can take its toll.

As well as winning over 200 domestic trophies (not something we like to boast about) we have also enjoyed the odd adventure in Europe.

In 1967 we reached the Quarter Final of the European Cup, only to lose 3-2 on aggregate to CSKA with a blatantly offside goal. CSKA lost in the semi- final after a play off, to Inter Milan who we would have thrashed.
Cannot remember who won the European Cup that season.
2 years later we lost 2-2 on away goals to the great Manchester City team of Bell, Summerbee and Francis Lee (who obviously dived to win the penalty) in their 1.0 win at Maine Road.

Nowadays it’s an achievement to get past the qualifying stages, or 1st round.

Some legendary ex- players you may or may not have heard of…
Joe Bambrick – 94 goals in one season, including 6 in an international v Wales
Jackie Milburn – Newcastle couldn’t hold on to him when the big boys came calling.
Billy Simpson – 163 goals in 223 games for Rangers .
Bryan Hamilton – Ipswich and Everton scorer of the most controversial disallowed FA Cup goal in History.
Billy Hamilton – Burnley, QPR and Spain 1982 World Cup legend.
Tommy Wright – Newcastle Utd keeper, now St Johnstone manager.
Tommy Dickson – The Duke of Windsor. Scored 454 goals in 650 appearances and our greatest ever.
http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/1682377
Noel Bailie – Over 1000 games for the Blues from 1986 to 2011 and has 17 League and Cup winners medals amongst his huge collection, stored in Fort Knox.

Famous supporters
Demi Moore – Wearing the Linfield Shirt in Indecent Proposal gave her the big break..
Alan Green – BBC5 live Football correspondent and the best in the business.
His Da
Ruby Murray – legendary 1950’s songstress, also famous for Cockney rhyming slang.
Charlie Lawson – Big Jim McDonald from Coronation Street. So he is.
Me

Our rivals, the enemy – Glentoran FC.
A team from the deepest darkest depths of East Belfast, where they eat Missionaries and sacrifice Babies to Beelzebub. The only part of the UK where you need a Visa to travel in and out of. Their ground Mordor, or the Bomb Crater, was indeed hit by the Luftwaffe in 1941 and the Board were so impressed by the improved look they have not touched the Stadium since. Their rabble don’t wash, are poorly educated and were voted the ugliest supporters in the world for a record 10 years in a row.

Now to the Main event….us
Our Manager Sir David, or Legend as we call him, has just won 3 Trophies in his 1st season and has us playing sublime flowing football. It’s rumoured that Real Madrid are planning to copy our attacking style next season and we’re resigned to the fact that the Legend will take over the reins when Zidane steps down..

Players to watch
All of them really, but mainly….
Roy Carroll – this quiet and reticent gent shuns confrontation and spends his spare time Knitting.
Jimmy Callagher – Centre Back extraordinaire. If he doesn’t get the man he gets the ball.
Jamie Mulgrew – Captain, central Midfielder and Legend. Similar style to Scott Brown except Jamie is a gentleman, can tackle cleanly and run at defenders with the ball.
Stephen Lowry – Fellow Central midfielder, again similar to Scott Brown, except Stephen can score goals.
Handy Andy Andy Andy Waterworth. Centre Forward and the hottest property in British football.
Hat trick to win the league on the last day of this season and hat trick the following week in the Irish Cup Final.
Have one really special Ace Card, but I’m not telling you his name.

So that’s it for now and hoped you’ve learned something new. Any questions feel free to ask but don’t expect a sensible response

My prediction.
A 4-0 defeat at Parkhead, which will put us out of Europe on away goals… again.

Cheers guys and take it easy on us.