WHAT devious techniques are you using to look as if you’re working when you’re not? Read our guide – and maybe even learn some new ways to skive!
Unnecessary photocopying
Bad for the environment, but great when you’ve got a hangover. If someone asks why you just spent an hour copying paper documents, angrily reply: “At least some of us are prepared for a cyber attack, Gavin!"
Internet skiving 2.0
Nowadays everyone knows you’d rather be browsing than working, so cover your back by loudly shouting out, “Has anyone else’s spreadsheets been hacked by Facebook?"
Carry an Important Document at all times
This makes you look as if you’re doing something vital when you’re just going for a relaxing stroll round the building. If you’ve printed out a Batman comic to read in the lift make sure the top sheet is something business-related, such as your company’s plunging profit figures.
Become a ‘mentor’
Offer to ‘mentor’ a younger colleague. You’ll discover you can actually get paid for nothing more taxing than listening to their pathetic fantasies about joining the ‘management stream’.
To block out their dreary, naive ramblings put in your earphones and claim they’re hearing aids because you are so old and wise, even if you’re 31.
Organise bullsh!t meetings
Good meetings can really achieve something. Those are the wrong meetings. Organise something unfocused and pointless such as a ‘creative innovation and efficiency brainstorm’, with sushi.
Take charge of all the activities that aren’t really work
Booking a Christmas do, watering the plants, buying doughnuts – these are all piss-easy activities you can offer to do and look like a ‘team player’ to boot.
Be warned though – secretaries got wise to this years ago and may resent you trying to muscle in on their scam. Watch your back in case they try to ‘whack’ you in the underground car park.
https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/work/how-are-you-pretending-to-be-busy-at-work-20180719175432
Not my article but very funny! How do you guys avoid working while looking busy? Spending most of the day on JA606 is a given.
How are you pretending to be busy at work?
posted on 20/7/18
Just changed building, sat almost against the back wall so no foot traffic.
JA/Alt & Tab are my best friends here. Honestly could get all my work done in a few hours so padding the day out between here and Reddit is a god send
posted on 20/7/18
look there are three main issues with skiving.
1. Can your screen be seen?
2. Is there specific work that needs handing over at certain times.
3. can you walk fast and look worried?
the first thing suspicious bosses do is move people's desks so that theres much greater footfall past and screen is obvious.
My advice is instigate a security policy and use screen protectors cos that fantasy football team could be stolen at any time.
second is secretly automate your work. Don't ever tell a boss you have done so as if you look busy and hand up the crap on time it might only take 30mins but you can make it look like its 4 hours work...
especially when managers are useless at Excel.
Make templates, make files automatically gather data etc etc. then copy and paste the results.
finally... the ideal is if you can be doing things for the office or area on the far side of the building.
If you get a folder (can be empty) or a clip board or some such and then practice walking with intent those who are not directly in your area will think you are really important but you can leave your desk and boss knows you are taking care off business over there.
posted on 20/7/18
You can minimise the JA window to the width of the comments, then overlay that on the Outlook inbox, then scrolling through the list of articles, comments etc looks like you are scrolling through your email inbox. Not so good when people post videos and smileys though.
posted on 20/7/18
comment by Greatteamswinit4times- a terrible enemy (U6008)
posted 3 hours, 35 minutes ago
comment by hounslows-finest (U6180)
posted 6 minutes ago
comment by Greatteamswinit4times- a terrible enemy (U6008)
posted 4 minutes ago
I don't have to pretend. Fortunately I work in media, where nobody does anything anyway.
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Are you the Liverpool loving media billy keeps referring to ?
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technically I guess I am.
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Nice to meet you after all this time then
posted on 20/7/18
One office I worked in people were so lazy they couldn't be bothered to walk two minutes to one of the other buildings even on a sunny day.
So I volunteered to ferry bits of paper round the site when people asked so I could get paid to wander round.
posted on 20/7/18
People that organise "HR deepdive" ", "Innovation and learning" meetings, get to fack
posted on 20/7/18
My new job is pretty sweet , 40 hours a week mom -Fri you can start between 8-9.30 finish at 5.30 , I’ve done 40 hours at 2.30 so I’m out the door.
posted on 20/7/18
comment by Edward Elizabeth Hitler. (U14393)
posted 1 minute ago
My new job is pretty sweet , 40 hours a week mom -Fri you can start between 8-9.30 finish at 5.30 , I’ve done 40 hours at 2.30 so I’m out the door.
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Well in mate. Remember you saying you had a tough spell a little while back.
posted on 20/7/18
comment by Flashy flibble (U10324)
posted 1 minute ago
comment by Edward Elizabeth Hitler. (U14393)
posted 1 minute ago
My new job is pretty sweet , 40 hours a week mom -Fri you can start between 8-9.30 finish at 5.30 , I’ve done 40 hours at 2.30 so I’m out the door.
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Well in mate.Remember you saying you had a tough spell a little while back.
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Yeah it’s sorred a treat now
posted on 20/7/18
I can't skive.My boss is an utter spunklobster.
Then again, I am self-employed.