5 - Fred
Ukranian gangsters once 'helped' the sale of Andrei Kanchelskis. One can only assume they've been at it again but this time fleeced Utd of £53m. His performances have resulted in a campaign to give Eric Djemba-Djemba another Djemba to his name in recognition of his service to the club.
4 - Fellaini
How do you replace a player like Paul Scholes? If you're David Moyes you sign someone who makes you forget what sport you're supposed to be watching. Couldn't run, couldn't pass, couldn't dribble and couldn't tackle. Has a swinging elbow move named after him in MMA.
3 - Matic
Was top class for about a season in the Premier League. Once he went downhill Chelsea flogged him to us where he was reasonable for about 3 months. Plays like the 44 year old former player drafted in to a Sunday League team because of injury crisis. Incapable of anything other than taking up a squad place at Utd now.
2 - Schweinsteiger
Great leader, showed great attitude despite being disgracefully treated by Jose but coming to Utd was his MLS move before he moved to the MLS. Looked a little overweight and at a time when we needed legs around Carrick made Carrick look like a sprightly teenager. Controlled some games for us though.
1 - Schneiderlin
Seemed a solid signing at the time. Had proven to be a good premier league player, Was the holding midfielder for France before Kante was a thing but never acclimatised at Utd and is best described as being Magnolia. Bland, and uninteresting, hasn't recaptured his Southampton form since though we did recoup most of our money.
Worst Post-SAF midfield signing?
5 - Fred