Office tactics

comment by Diafol Coch 77 (U2462)
posted 21 minutes ago
My tactics are:

1. Log on at 8am at home. Then just have a coffee and go for a constitutional and shower.
2. Move the mouse around a bit so that my status is 'active'.
3. Send an e-mail. Doesn't have to be anything urgent but something to prove you were thinking about work at 8.30am.
4. At around 9.30am drive into work. Saying you waited until then to avoid the school run is the perfect excuse.
5. Get into work. Greet everyone. Get a drink. Share some vague complaint about how you didn't sleep/kids are a worry/neighbours are a noise nuisance. Anything really to distract.
6. Once that's wasted an hour reply to some e-mails and queries (I work on social media dealing with customer queries). A sensible approach to this is getting a list of stock answers saved somewhere. All you then have to do is copy and paste.
7. That takes around 12pm. Time for a toilet break and a comfort break away from the desk. During the comfort break walk the long way round chatting to as many people as you can see and generally be a nice person. Be especially nice to cleaners/caretakers etc. This doesn't go unnoticed that you are a 'people person'.
8. 1pm is lunch time. Time to properly read JA606 then. Perhaps catch up with the comments from the click bait article you wrote in the morning whilst you were 'working' between 8am and 9am.
9. 2pm. Update your timesheet to say you had a 30minute lunch. Go out to stretch your legs after lunch.
10. 2.30pm. The time to really motor on. Write some e-mails to people who think they're important about things that they think could be important. Make it interesting enough for them to read, constructively criticise the current working practices and offer some solutions but never too much that you're asked to do it. Flattery usually works here "I think doing this would be good but it's above my ability and pay scale to get it done. It'd work well and get more buy-in from you though".
11. 3.30pm. Nearly the end of the working day. Say you need to go home as 'the dog's been alone in the house all day and you need to let him out' (even though he's been out all day anyway and has a nice garden and kennel). They don't know this though. For extra bonus points plant a seed of your dogs life through a social media account you use just to engage with work people. For extra extra bonus points share vague statuses and memes on this social media account on a regular basis about how you're 'battling on', 'won't let people get you down' and that 'worried about my hospital appt today (tag yourself into a hospital for added effect).
12. Get home. Play around a little on your works laptop and send a final work e-mail. State that you'll try to get back to people today if you can and you're not too 'snowed under with work'.
13. Log off and get on with your life.
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The planting seeds bit is a great tip

If you're gonna pull a sicky, gotta start planting the seed the day before

Then get gone the next day for a couple of days

Obviously the second day of absence is "i'm getting better but just want to make sure I'm not spreading it around the office" type jobby

also if you're struggling with performance, or finding it tricky to complete a task that just isn't computing with you

bring in an office snack like Donuts

This has always been my 'go to' as it then buys you extra 'question points' so that people can't get arrsey with you for askign a lot

I have a gantt chart at work with all my projects on. I usually overestimate how long each task will take and get well ahead without telling anyone. I then have a section for 'additional tasks' and when anyone tries to give me work, I add it on and then do the 'this is going to delay this, this and this'. Its a pretty effective way of getting out of doing additional things.

comment by Tamwolf (U17286)
posted 18 seconds ago
I have a gantt chart at work with all my projects on. I usually overestimate how long each task will take and get well ahead without telling anyone. I then have a section for 'additional tasks' and when anyone tries to give me work, I add it on and then do the 'this is going to delay this, this and this'. Its a pretty effective way of getting out of doing additional things.
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a visual aid. Love it

comment by Sem (U9729)
posted 1 minute ago
comment by Tamwolf (U17286)
posted 18 seconds ago
I have a gantt chart at work with all my projects on. I usually overestimate how long each task will take and get well ahead without telling anyone. I then have a section for 'additional tasks' and when anyone tries to give me work, I add it on and then do the 'this is going to delay this, this and this'. Its a pretty effective way of getting out of doing additional things.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
a visual aid. Love it
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I also have tasks where I'm waiting for other people. These are the only ones that go overdue so I can pass blame if needed.

comment by Tamwolf (U17286)
posted 3 minutes ago
comment by Sem (U9729)
posted 1 minute ago
comment by Tamwolf (U17286)
posted 18 seconds ago
I have a gantt chart at work with all my projects on. I usually overestimate how long each task will take and get well ahead without telling anyone. I then have a section for 'additional tasks' and when anyone tries to give me work, I add it on and then do the 'this is going to delay this, this and this'. Its a pretty effective way of getting out of doing additional things.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
a visual aid. Love it
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I also have tasks where I'm waiting for other people. These are the only ones that go overdue so I can pass blame if needed.
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ah yes, the other thing that delays things a lot is the old 'too many chefs in the kitchen' type scenario where you involve a lot of people, to the point where everyone gets confused, so a meeting is called to clarify

at this point, you can then put forward everyones tasks, whilst leaving yourself a clean slate

kapow

comment by Tamwolf (U17286)
posted 6 hours, 41 minutes ago
I have a gantt chart at work with all my projects on. I usually overestimate how long each task will take and get well ahead without telling anyone. I then have a section for 'additional tasks' and when anyone tries to give me work, I add it on and then do the 'this is going to delay this, this and this'. Its a pretty effective way of getting out of doing additional things.
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This sounds exactly like me except instead of an "additional tasks" section, I just deligate anything none urgent to new recruits who haven't actually been hired yet.

"That sounds like a great opportunity for the new office manager to sink their teeth into."

"I could do XYZ, but we don't want the new Warehouse Manager to spend his/her first weeks undoing our work"

Works every time and recruiting is such a nightmare at the minute, I look an absolute hero for cherry picking tasks from the none-existent Office Managers to-do list.

comment by Diafol Coch 77 (U2462)
posted 2 days, 6 hours ago
My tactics are:

1. Log on at 8am at home. Then just have a coffee and go for a constitutional and shower.
2. Move the mouse around a bit so that my status is 'active'.
3. Send an e-mail. Doesn't have to be anything urgent but something to prove you were thinking about work at 8.30am.
4. At around 9.30am drive into work. Saying you waited until then to avoid the school run is the perfect excuse.
5. Get into work. Greet everyone. Get a drink. Share some vague complaint about how you didn't sleep/kids are a worry/neighbours are a noise nuisance. Anything really to distract.
6. Once that's wasted an hour reply to some e-mails and queries (I work on social media dealing with customer queries). A sensible approach to this is getting a list of stock answers saved somewhere. All you then have to do is copy and paste.
7. That takes around 12pm. Time for a toilet break and a comfort break away from the desk. During the comfort break walk the long way round chatting to as many people as you can see and generally be a nice person. Be especially nice to cleaners/caretakers etc. This doesn't go unnoticed that you are a 'people person'.
8. 1pm is lunch time. Time to properly read JA606 then. Perhaps catch up with the comments from the click bait article you wrote in the morning whilst you were 'working' between 8am and 9am.
9. 2pm. Update your timesheet to say you had a 30minute lunch. Go out to stretch your legs after lunch.
10. 2.30pm. The time to really motor on. Write some e-mails to people who think they're important about things that they think could be important. Make it interesting enough for them to read, constructively criticise the current working practices and offer some solutions but never too much that you're asked to do it. Flattery usually works here "I think doing this would be good but it's above my ability and pay scale to get it done. It'd work well and get more buy-in from you though".
11. 3.30pm. Nearly the end of the working day. Say you need to go home as 'the dog's been alone in the house all day and you need to let him out' (even though he's been out all day anyway and has a nice garden and kennel). They don't know this though. For extra bonus points plant a seed of your dogs life through a social media account you use just to engage with work people. For extra extra bonus points share vague statuses and memes on this social media account on a regular basis about how you're 'battling on', 'won't let people get you down' and that 'worried about my hospital appt today (tag yourself into a hospital for added effect).
12. Get home. Play around a little on your works laptop and send a final work e-mail. State that you'll try to get back to people today if you can and you're not too 'snowed under with work'.
13. Log off and get on with your life.
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GPs are really taking the p these days. No wonder the NHS is in such a state.

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