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Lockdown jokes?

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posted on 11/5/20

An English man, an English man, and an English man all walk into a bar. Catch COVID-19, go home pass it onto their family and friends, and they all die.

The Scotsman, and the Irish man stayed at home.

BOOM facking BOOM.

posted on 11/5/20

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posted on 11/5/20

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posted on 11/5/20

Go on....

posted on 11/5/20

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posted on 11/5/20

posted on 11/5/20

Was in Tesco's helping the wife with the shopping when out of nowhere she started shouting at me, calling me a lazy no good fecker.

I was so shocked I almost fell out of the trolley.

posted on 11/5/20

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posted on 11/5/20

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comment by Sjb1888 (U5188)

posted on 11/5/20

Paddy Power told a funny one...

https://twitter.com/i/status/1259892515542532099

posted on 11/5/20

Paddy says to Mick I`m thinking of buying a labrador! Feck that says Mick,have you seen how many of their owners go blind?

comment by BB⁷ (U13430)

posted on 11/5/20

BB😂

posted on 11/5/20

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posted on 11/5/20

Paddy is driving past the bus stop when he spots Murphy there,would you like a lift Murphy? No thanks Paddy I might miss the bus.

posted on 11/5/20

Me & Zach stood outside the clubdeck: Zach says arghh ffs Bluebell I wish I`d brung my tv with me! Bluebells like wtf Zach?

Zach says my season tickets on top of it.







posted on 11/5/20

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posted on 11/5/20

Did you hear about the magic cow?

It walked down the road and turned into a field

I’ll get my cloak

posted on 11/5/20

No offence intended here but statistics show that during the Vietnam war the black soldiers had that highest percentage death rate among all ethnic groups.
Possiblbly because when the bullets started flying and someone shouted "Get down" they all got up and started dancing.

posted on 11/5/20

comment by Zachsda(change our mindset, treat this seriously) (U1850)
posted 16 minutes ago
A guy goes into a pub with a Yorkshire Terrier
Barman says only guide dogs allowed
Guy says this is my guide dog
Barman says aren’t guide dogs usually labradors
Guy says what the fook did they give me
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This caught me off guard

comment by Hector (U3606)

posted on 12/5/20

People who think it's all over now and we should wholescale remove lockdown restrictions are the same people, who, in a disaster film think the danger is over...but we're only 30 minutes into a 2 hour movie.

posted on 12/5/20

Wales, Scotland and Ireland all staying at home



Sounds like a football world cup!

posted on 12/5/20

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posted on 12/5/20

comment by Barefoot (U19770)
posted 56 minutes ago
Wales, Scotland and Ireland all staying at home



Sounds like a football world cup!
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no, wait

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