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What a bunch of caaants. Should give ya free plane tkts or saink
A few highlights from my adventures over the last 2 years :
made a ski instructor and a lift operstor wince after i raced down a red run in record breaking time
tucked the whole way down a red run from top to bottom
Did a 360 somersault into a 3 foot deep swimming pool.
Had samba dancers in Salvador de Bahia, whoopin and a whollering at my hip movements
Was involved in a love story that was the talk of a small but well populated island
Watched two waiters have a (serious) martial arts fight at work in the middle of the day
Was told by a Latin dance teacher that I was, “born on a dance floor”
Got stopped about 30 seconds into rescuing a young hottie on my quad bike.
Met Permin Zurbriggen’s niece and got a selfie
Had….some girl come up to me in a bar, and ask me to touch her all over her body.
Got carried down the stairs of a nightclub by a doorman, as I asked people calmly to move aside as I was, “coming through”, after I tried to dance on top of a wall mounted cabinet.
Did a shuffle on top of a bar stool when I was shtifaced, and generally climbed around various items of furniture without a care in the world, like I was a cross between Jamiroqui and Buster Keaton.
Performed a speech from romeo and Juliet to a group of smoking hot Russian girls who cheered wildly, and told me they were "big fans" of mine.
Took a sunlit walk along the shore with a Russian divorcee 10 who was staying at the most expensive hotel on Mykonos. Kissrapde her (romantically) before jumping on her bonnet as her friend reversed out of the car park at high speed. Wrote her a poem at the airport.
Watched octopuses drying out in the sun
Danced all night on top of the biggest speaker in the biggest club in Ibiza (only person on there)
Saved a lost and frantic dog and returned it to its owners (I think)
Wrote a lengthy report to my boss’s boss about my boss’s incompetence, and resigning due to refusing to work for him.
Made a video strip dancing to Nelly in my boxer shorts.
Got called a soriorty frat boy by a hot nicaraguan bird.
Was involved in some kind of knickers scandal.
Saved a girl from getting kidnapped in Taiwan.
Spent an entire morning trying to walk through or round the main train station in Kyoto
Found myself philosophising as I sat next to “the stream of philosophy”
Watched an incredible performance of Kabuki in Kyoto
Stayed at a luxury capsule hotel
Went to an amazing robot and lights show in the Tokyo entertainment district
Watched a man in a philipinno slum, break up some ice for his drink with a golf club
Had a crazy ride on a sidecar back to some philippino bird’s house in the middle of nowhere.
Made another phillipino girl fall in love with me by doing her up the bum after slapping her hands out of the way
Had an argument with a dog on a beach, as the dog tried to explain to another dog that he was talking to a man who spoke dog
Seen a pig in a sidecar
Turned down a Swedish 10 due to being distracted by an English 8
Spent the whole night whispering to the English 8, who eventually told me to “come up” to her bed at about 4am, just as I was falling asleep. Rested my head on the edge of her bed as I looked in awe at her amaaaazzzzzing body, naked save for her knickers and a little crop top riding up her back….sigh.
Bumped into the English 8 in strange circumstances on the other side of the Philippines, a few days later, and walked off.
Kayaked up a river to watch fire flies in the darkness
Swam with whale sharks (and nearly had a fight with some other tourists on the boat)
Got punched in the face by some philippinos after I threw a girl across the bar who had repeatedly kicked me in the face on my birthday. Was warned by the bar owner that a lot of people wanted to hurt me bad.
Got talked to by all the cops in some hick town in the phillippines, as the chief of police told me, “we don’t like trouble round here”, as he showed me his gun.
Sniffed faces with a bull mastiff guard dog to show off to some young hottie from Norwich, as various people screamed.
Ended up performing, basically a live sxe show, with 2 girls at a strip joint in manila.
Got asked on a date by a waitress I touched up at breakfast on my last day in the Philippines
Visitied the Royal Tombs in Hue, Vietnam
Got cheated into paying for parking for my bicycle by some women who stopped me in the road, a few metres before I got to the free parking area.
Bought a custom made suit in Hue
Two thai girls got off their motorbike in chaing mai, and started jumping up and down very excitedly and calling me “mr boom boom”.
Received violent death threats courtesy of some female man city fans on valentines day in Pai, Thailand.
Saw a bait ball about a 200m long * 500m wide * 20m deep
Was told by a dancer over the microphone in folie douce that she wanted my body
Was told to take a bow by the lead singer in folie douce as I left for the final time
Bumped into the Polish girl I fell in love with on my birthday in the philippines, on a dance floor in France, and didn’t notice it was her even when she sang “shut up and dance with me”, because I had just walked in as “don’t stop believing” came on, and everyone (else) in the place was turned round smiling at me because they thought it was funny I should walk in just then, seeing as they knew I was still hoping to bump into Adidas (who walked straight past me shortly afterwards).
Saw a rainbow blob on a cloudy day
visited the bar where oliver reid died
sat in a roman theatre, looking at a backdrop of Mount Etna
Sang “the grand old duke of york” at the top of my voice, half way down a volcano, in a tour group comprised of very annoying germans.
Ran round the rim of another (partially active) volcano in a gale force wind
Walked down the 1984 winter Olympics bobsled track
Met one of only about 3 girls in my life who’s my perfect personality match, and walked off.
Rubbed the tummy of a shepherd dog that fights bears and wolves, on the top of a mountain pass
Got let off by the speeding cops as I slammed the breaks on so quickly when I came round the bend that they couldn’t get a speed reading.
Caused street protests in an Albanian populated town in Montenegro, after 2 people were tortured by local police after I mistakenly accused them of stealing my wallet
Did a cooeee that echoed down an entire mountain valley
Got lost on a mountain in northern Albania
Got hugged by a dog
Found out what Sh**et means
Seen UN soldiers ordered out of a church for coming in with their guns
Got hit on by some bird on a bus who then gave someone else a blowie after I laughed at her claim that the naked photos she was showing me were her
Watched some frogs having sxe
Got lost on a mountain on the world’s worst motorbike
Walked off from a stunna who’s been sitting watching me thrust my hips at a beach foam party all afternoon
Went to the coolest open air cinema in the world.l
Got a selfie with an ISIS flag
Visited 3 Foreign Office red areas
Tried on a hezzbollah tshirt
Visited a silk factory and shown everyone all the beautiful dresses i photographed ever since
Had a shotgun pointed at me in the street
Had a salsa date and was brilliant at it (and with the girl)
Jumped out of a taxi i was in on a date with a hot young dutch bird
Shared a crush with a 21 year old french/tunisian hottie
Was asked to dance on stage in a bar, and had the whole place on their feet all night
Got cokcblocked by a tramp
Lost my temper at my friend, which made him go to bangladesh just before the terrorist attack, so he had to go home
Watched a woman with a broken leg hop down a spiral staircase
Got touchy feely with my tour guide
Drove jeremy clarkson's "best road in the world"
Went to a salt mine
Had a rain lock in in bin liners and sang flower of scotland
Three lapdancers hospitalised each other fighting over me
Had a date with a 21 year old stunna
Said "has somebody got a wet @@@@@ again ?" to my dinner date
Got @@@@@@ off in a taxi by some bird i pulled
Visited Odessa opera house
Was subject to an attempted kidnapping by some odessa mafia who wouldnt let any taxi drivers take me
Pulled a superclub's drinks huzzie after my dance show
Had some brillliant flirty sessions with a professional masseuse
Performed my first gigolo service to a hot young russian bird who enjoyed it so much she forgot her shoe
Had snogging sessions with two stripper
Had a great night out with a 22 year old swedish cleaner
'Ran' up the rock of gibraltar
Went to a crazy flamenco show in seville
Watched a group of girls singing along with a busker in a winter underpass
Threatened to kill a bodybuilder squaddie in a moment of madness, then stood in the snow for 5 hours waiting for a girl
Had a great night out with a hot young brunette before leaving her in a taxi that sped off, after i tried to jump out of it
Carried a 23 year old stunna's bag round a bar in between snogs, after she came to me in floods of tears saying she was so sorry.
Got lost in -10 weather with some hot chick on our way back
Blackmailed a mafia girl into snogging me
Had a stripper sleep over with me
Made a karaoke hostess cry by singing love me tender, and a table full of the hotest girls in the nightclub get up and start cheering and whooping as i sang rebel yell.
Cured a girl's chronic hiccups by giving her a waist massage.
Nearly, literally, sailed off into the sunset with a beautiful sweet dutch girl
Fell in love with a university student who was reading Leon, and turned down a 30s blonde stunna as a result
Took a dog i met in the street to a lapdancing club. Left him with the doorman to look after, who later let the dog into the club, where it chased the lapdancers excitedly round the dance floor.
Walked back into the bar of a strip club with my willie out, after a lapdance, and stood there drinking my pint with all the girls sat round staring at it and laughing.
Had a lapdancer who was pammie anderson's double scream at me to, "get out of (her) club" after i had a dance with another girl. Got to look at her beautiful face from inches away when she lay on top of me after i projectile cried on the patio and told the doorman theyd be facked if she ever left.
Had a lapdancer leave the club with me only for her boss to come out screaming at her to get back inside.
Done a pole dancing show for all the dancers who sat down and watched.
Spent about an hour giving a stripper a free head massage onnher last day, before she told me it would be the only thing she'll remember from the entire summer
Made another stripper collapse on the bar in what looked like a sort of paralysis by giving her a head massage
Followed all the way from town to the departures lounge by someone who worked at one of the strip clubs, when i left town.
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comment by Dáve (U1060)
posted 23 seconds ago
Laters
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Try not to eat anything
Took a dog i met in the street to a lapdancing club. Left him with the doorman to look after, who later let the dog into the club, where it chased the lapdancers excitedly round the dance floor.
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comment by ®åρtor✡ (U1071)
posted less than a minute ago
Took a dog i met in the street to a lapdancing club. Left him with the doorman to look after, who later let the dog into the club, where it chased the lapdancers excitedly round the dance floor.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
That's a direct quote from some bird J met on one of his trips.
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comment by ®åρtor✡ (U1071)
posted 7 seconds ago
Took a dog i met in the street to a lapdancing club. Left him with the doorman to look after, who later let the dog into the club, where it chased the lapdancers excitedly round the dance floor.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Good fun that was.
Music was a bit loud for him tho which spoiled it.
Silly trat behind the bar didnt think to turn it down.
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Can't wait for the next adventure
Did a 360 somersault into a 3 foot deep swimming pool.
He bombed Dave's pool
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posted on 3/1/17
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posted on 3/1/17
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 3/1/17
What a bunch of caaants. Should give ya free plane tkts or saink
posted on 3/1/17
A few highlights from my adventures over the last 2 years :
made a ski instructor and a lift operstor wince after i raced down a red run in record breaking time
tucked the whole way down a red run from top to bottom
Did a 360 somersault into a 3 foot deep swimming pool.
Had samba dancers in Salvador de Bahia, whoopin and a whollering at my hip movements
Was involved in a love story that was the talk of a small but well populated island
Watched two waiters have a (serious) martial arts fight at work in the middle of the day
Was told by a Latin dance teacher that I was, “born on a dance floor”
Got stopped about 30 seconds into rescuing a young hottie on my quad bike.
Met Permin Zurbriggen’s niece and got a selfie
Had….some girl come up to me in a bar, and ask me to touch her all over her body.
Got carried down the stairs of a nightclub by a doorman, as I asked people calmly to move aside as I was, “coming through”, after I tried to dance on top of a wall mounted cabinet.
Did a shuffle on top of a bar stool when I was shtifaced, and generally climbed around various items of furniture without a care in the world, like I was a cross between Jamiroqui and Buster Keaton.
Performed a speech from romeo and Juliet to a group of smoking hot Russian girls who cheered wildly, and told me they were "big fans" of mine.
Took a sunlit walk along the shore with a Russian divorcee 10 who was staying at the most expensive hotel on Mykonos. Kissrapde her (romantically) before jumping on her bonnet as her friend reversed out of the car park at high speed. Wrote her a poem at the airport.
Watched octopuses drying out in the sun
Danced all night on top of the biggest speaker in the biggest club in Ibiza (only person on there)
Saved a lost and frantic dog and returned it to its owners (I think)
Wrote a lengthy report to my boss’s boss about my boss’s incompetence, and resigning due to refusing to work for him.
Made a video strip dancing to Nelly in my boxer shorts.
Got called a soriorty frat boy by a hot nicaraguan bird.
Was involved in some kind of knickers scandal.
Saved a girl from getting kidnapped in Taiwan.
Spent an entire morning trying to walk through or round the main train station in Kyoto
Found myself philosophising as I sat next to “the stream of philosophy”
Watched an incredible performance of Kabuki in Kyoto
Stayed at a luxury capsule hotel
Went to an amazing robot and lights show in the Tokyo entertainment district
Watched a man in a philipinno slum, break up some ice for his drink with a golf club
Had a crazy ride on a sidecar back to some philippino bird’s house in the middle of nowhere.
Made another phillipino girl fall in love with me by doing her up the bum after slapping her hands out of the way
Had an argument with a dog on a beach, as the dog tried to explain to another dog that he was talking to a man who spoke dog
Seen a pig in a sidecar
Turned down a Swedish 10 due to being distracted by an English 8
Spent the whole night whispering to the English 8, who eventually told me to “come up” to her bed at about 4am, just as I was falling asleep. Rested my head on the edge of her bed as I looked in awe at her amaaaazzzzzing body, naked save for her knickers and a little crop top riding up her back….sigh.
Bumped into the English 8 in strange circumstances on the other side of the Philippines, a few days later, and walked off.
Kayaked up a river to watch fire flies in the darkness
Swam with whale sharks (and nearly had a fight with some other tourists on the boat)
Got punched in the face by some philippinos after I threw a girl across the bar who had repeatedly kicked me in the face on my birthday. Was warned by the bar owner that a lot of people wanted to hurt me bad.
Got talked to by all the cops in some hick town in the phillippines, as the chief of police told me, “we don’t like trouble round here”, as he showed me his gun.
Sniffed faces with a bull mastiff guard dog to show off to some young hottie from Norwich, as various people screamed.
Ended up performing, basically a live sxe show, with 2 girls at a strip joint in manila.
Got asked on a date by a waitress I touched up at breakfast on my last day in the Philippines
Visitied the Royal Tombs in Hue, Vietnam
Got cheated into paying for parking for my bicycle by some women who stopped me in the road, a few metres before I got to the free parking area.
Bought a custom made suit in Hue
Two thai girls got off their motorbike in chaing mai, and started jumping up and down very excitedly and calling me “mr boom boom”.
Received violent death threats courtesy of some female man city fans on valentines day in Pai, Thailand.
Saw a bait ball about a 200m long * 500m wide * 20m deep
Was told by a dancer over the microphone in folie douce that she wanted my body
Was told to take a bow by the lead singer in folie douce as I left for the final time
Bumped into the Polish girl I fell in love with on my birthday in the philippines, on a dance floor in France, and didn’t notice it was her even when she sang “shut up and dance with me”, because I had just walked in as “don’t stop believing” came on, and everyone (else) in the place was turned round smiling at me because they thought it was funny I should walk in just then, seeing as they knew I was still hoping to bump into Adidas (who walked straight past me shortly afterwards).
Saw a rainbow blob on a cloudy day
visited the bar where oliver reid died
sat in a roman theatre, looking at a backdrop of Mount Etna
Sang “the grand old duke of york” at the top of my voice, half way down a volcano, in a tour group comprised of very annoying germans.
Ran round the rim of another (partially active) volcano in a gale force wind
Walked down the 1984 winter Olympics bobsled track
Met one of only about 3 girls in my life who’s my perfect personality match, and walked off.
Rubbed the tummy of a shepherd dog that fights bears and wolves, on the top of a mountain pass
Got let off by the speeding cops as I slammed the breaks on so quickly when I came round the bend that they couldn’t get a speed reading.
Caused street protests in an Albanian populated town in Montenegro, after 2 people were tortured by local police after I mistakenly accused them of stealing my wallet
Did a cooeee that echoed down an entire mountain valley
Got lost on a mountain in northern Albania
Got hugged by a dog
Found out what Sh**et means
Seen UN soldiers ordered out of a church for coming in with their guns
Got hit on by some bird on a bus who then gave someone else a blowie after I laughed at her claim that the naked photos she was showing me were her
Watched some frogs having sxe
Got lost on a mountain on the world’s worst motorbike
Walked off from a stunna who’s been sitting watching me thrust my hips at a beach foam party all afternoon
Went to the coolest open air cinema in the world.l
Got a selfie with an ISIS flag
Visited 3 Foreign Office red areas
Tried on a hezzbollah tshirt
Visited a silk factory and shown everyone all the beautiful dresses i photographed ever since
Had a shotgun pointed at me in the street
Had a salsa date and was brilliant at it (and with the girl)
Jumped out of a taxi i was in on a date with a hot young dutch bird
Shared a crush with a 21 year old french/tunisian hottie
Was asked to dance on stage in a bar, and had the whole place on their feet all night
Got cokcblocked by a tramp
Lost my temper at my friend, which made him go to bangladesh just before the terrorist attack, so he had to go home
Watched a woman with a broken leg hop down a spiral staircase
Got touchy feely with my tour guide
Drove jeremy clarkson's "best road in the world"
Went to a salt mine
Had a rain lock in in bin liners and sang flower of scotland
Three lapdancers hospitalised each other fighting over me
Had a date with a 21 year old stunna
Said "has somebody got a wet @@@@@ again ?" to my dinner date
Got @@@@@@ off in a taxi by some bird i pulled
Visited Odessa opera house
Was subject to an attempted kidnapping by some odessa mafia who wouldnt let any taxi drivers take me
Pulled a superclub's drinks huzzie after my dance show
Had some brillliant flirty sessions with a professional masseuse
Performed my first gigolo service to a hot young russian bird who enjoyed it so much she forgot her shoe
Had snogging sessions with two stripper
Had a great night out with a 22 year old swedish cleaner
'Ran' up the rock of gibraltar
Went to a crazy flamenco show in seville
Watched a group of girls singing along with a busker in a winter underpass
Threatened to kill a bodybuilder squaddie in a moment of madness, then stood in the snow for 5 hours waiting for a girl
Had a great night out with a hot young brunette before leaving her in a taxi that sped off, after i tried to jump out of it
Carried a 23 year old stunna's bag round a bar in between snogs, after she came to me in floods of tears saying she was so sorry.
Got lost in -10 weather with some hot chick on our way back
Blackmailed a mafia girl into snogging me
Had a stripper sleep over with me
Made a karaoke hostess cry by singing love me tender, and a table full of the hotest girls in the nightclub get up and start cheering and whooping as i sang rebel yell.
Cured a girl's chronic hiccups by giving her a waist massage.
Nearly, literally, sailed off into the sunset with a beautiful sweet dutch girl
Fell in love with a university student who was reading Leon, and turned down a 30s blonde stunna as a result
Took a dog i met in the street to a lapdancing club. Left him with the doorman to look after, who later let the dog into the club, where it chased the lapdancers excitedly round the dance floor.
Walked back into the bar of a strip club with my willie out, after a lapdance, and stood there drinking my pint with all the girls sat round staring at it and laughing.
Had a lapdancer who was pammie anderson's double scream at me to, "get out of (her) club" after i had a dance with another girl. Got to look at her beautiful face from inches away when she lay on top of me after i projectile cried on the patio and told the doorman theyd be facked if she ever left.
Had a lapdancer leave the club with me only for her boss to come out screaming at her to get back inside.
Done a pole dancing show for all the dancers who sat down and watched.
Spent about an hour giving a stripper a free head massage onnher last day, before she told me it would be the only thing she'll remember from the entire summer
Made another stripper collapse on the bar in what looked like a sort of paralysis by giving her a head massage
Followed all the way from town to the departures lounge by someone who worked at one of the strip clubs, when i left town.
posted on 3/1/17
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posted on 3/1/17
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posted on 3/1/17
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posted on 3/1/17
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posted on 3/1/17
Dye Bave
posted on 3/1/17
comment by Dáve (U1060)
posted 23 seconds ago
Laters
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Try not to eat anything
posted on 3/1/17
Took a dog i met in the street to a lapdancing club. Left him with the doorman to look after, who later let the dog into the club, where it chased the lapdancers excitedly round the dance floor.
posted on 3/1/17
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 3/1/17
comment by ®åρtor✡ (U1071)
posted less than a minute ago
Took a dog i met in the street to a lapdancing club. Left him with the doorman to look after, who later let the dog into the club, where it chased the lapdancers excitedly round the dance floor.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
That's a direct quote from some bird J met on one of his trips.
posted on 3/1/17
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 3/1/17
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 3/1/17
comment by ®åρtor✡ (U1071)
posted 7 seconds ago
Took a dog i met in the street to a lapdancing club. Left him with the doorman to look after, who later let the dog into the club, where it chased the lapdancers excitedly round the dance floor.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Good fun that was.
Music was a bit loud for him tho which spoiled it.
Silly trat behind the bar didnt think to turn it down.
posted on 3/1/17
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 3/1/17
We are not worthy.
posted on 3/1/17
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 3/1/17
Can't wait for the next adventure
posted on 3/1/17
Did a 360 somersault into a 3 foot deep swimming pool.
He bombed Dave's pool
posted on 3/1/17
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 3/1/17
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 3/1/17
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posted on 3/1/17
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
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