Hoddle - Karma owes me

Glenn Hoddle believes that he is ready to forgive the FA for their past indiscretions against him and has revealed that he will consider re-taking the role that he was rightly sacked from not all that long ago.

"The FA should never have sacked me, but I hold nothing against them. They will be punished for that in the next life," the ex-England manager said, "they will no doubt come back as Welsh people or one of Kenny Dalglish's grandkids or something"

"My life without this job is as incomplete as the spinal cord of somebody who mugged old ladies in a past life," he added.

Alan Shearer has given his full unequivocal support for Hoddle to get the job, adding "I can't even remember what he said like? He gave us the captaincy though so he's got my support, if anyone's got a problem with that I'll fookin' clatter yeez".

Meanwhile Hoddle's best friend, spiritual healer and part-time witch Eileen Drury was last night spotted outside the FA headquarters muttering incantations and waving a large wand while burning an effigy of Stephen Hawking.