Top Champo Chairmaning ahoy.

Well another week of top champo chairmaining and I dare say I'm rather chipper about the way it's gone. Not too great with the football mind but I've got a lot done.

I had to sack Pam earlier in the week because she wasn't screening my phone calls properly and I got the same load of abuse from Whealo & the odd gizzajob call from Phil Brown. In the end I had to give in. Phil's the new manager of the stationary cupboard which, if he does a good job, will be expanded to ALL cupboards.

Sacking Pam left me emotionally drained so when I've finished crying in the corner of my office I ask Doris to bring in a nice cuppa herbal and some of those "Quality Choice" Uzbekistan Biscuits from Lidl that I like. Once suitably soothed I ring Big Sam for a catch up and to hear his dulcet Walrus like tones. Sadly he is busy being interviewed for the Pope job. Apparently he's giving them a power point presentation about the suitability of the 4,3,3/4,5,1 formation within the Catholic Church. I leave it because Big Sam's presentations are legendarily long.

I've gone for a restructure in Staff and brought Dangerous Darren indoors to help Phil with his cupboard duties. This time we're keeping him away from any plug sockets after last time. I mean who licks plugs? Phil'll keep him away from any trouble.

After another cuppa fine herbal tea I open the file marked contracts and do some slight changes. Hopefully nobody will notice. They're usually a good sort for not reading the small print.

I'm raised from my desk by an almighty racket. Darren is standing bemused his hair on end and his mouth all black. "Where's Browny?" I ask. "In there!" he says pointing to the locked stationary cupboard. I ask Doris to fetch the big crow bar and my migraine tablets. Getting to the bottom of this fiasco is going to take a lot of sorting.