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Let’s talk about suicide

Evening all

Bit of a somber topic to approach on a Sunday evening, and I want to start by asking that I will try to discuss the subject with the utmost respect as to its everlasting impact on our families, friends, colleagues, etc.

I was just scrolling through the BBC Sport homepage and noted that a young Rugby player from my home county, Yorkshire, had been found dead in his hotel room after making his debut against Toulouse.

Now, if you go ahead and read the article, the cause of death is not alluded to whatsoever, so what I’m saying is purely conjecture and based on nothing other than the semantic approach adopted by the journalist. It’s just, as I read through the article, I feel a sense of “we know how it happened, we just don’t want to say how it happened".

This is something I’ve seen in many an article in which the victim has passed by taking their own life; we shuffle around it. It is very rare that they say “Mr. X has been found dead in an apparent suicide" even when we all know / find out via other means that that is exactly what it was; instead, we hear “body found" followed by some heartfelt comments by the organisation and loved ones they’ve left behind.

This story (potentially); the DJ Avici (sp) a few months ago; Chris Cornell; Chester Bennington.

There just seems to be a fear - a stigma - surrounding coming out and saying it quite plainly. Even if, within the same article, we read that a donation has been made to Samaritans or some other charity who endeavor to prevent suicide efforts or a quote that alludes to it - a clear reference to how it happened - the article itself never explicitly states it.

It just seems to me that, with the statistics worse than ever and not looking like slowing down, to tip toe around the subject is the exact opposite thing we should be doing. Surely, we should be addressing it and fighting it head on? We’ve made great steps in this regard when it comes to mental health more generally - advocating disclosure and the receipt thereof - but we remain to be un-characteristically mute on potentially the greatest travesty to derive from poor mental health. Do we not learn from our mistakes?

I remember when you couldn’t talk about race or gender preference as openly (with some, who just seemingly want any reason to be offended,, this is still almost impossible without being labeled discriminatory); but as any such discourse is opened, and we can feel comfortable to talk freely about it, I say us making significant progress in the field(s).

Anyway, have you guys noticed the same? Do you ever read an article and think “suicide" even though the text itself does not actually say it? Do you think that this approach is respectful / rightly sensitive, or do you think that, ultimately, it is detrimental in our progress for suicide prevention?

posted on 19/8/19

Thanks for sharing some truly compelling stories, all; think its very healthy to open up about it wherever possible and, as said, it may be one of the times in which an anonymous forum is a great medium to let it out.

Interesting about the social media thing permeating mistakes and relinquishing your own home as a place of solitude and absent of outside pressures.

I was recently the victim of an (albeit funny) injurious social media post and, having thought about it again, it really did intrude into my own home.

Essentially, I'd gone to the beach with a lady friend and fallen asleep whilst sunbathing. As a man, SOMETIMES, when I fall asleep, I wake up and...y'know...interesting dreams and all that.

Anyway, I knelt up for what must have been 30 seconds and said to my lady friend "oh look...morning wood" and had a giggle about it...fast forward a few hours and I'm in my house with her, preparing to go out. One of my best friends messages me and says "Explain this" and attaches this picture.

Some girl had seen, took a photo of me; CIRCLED THE WOOD; and uploaded it to instagram for all to see. Word spreads like wildfire here and it wasn't long before my phone was like a hotline of people laughing and having digs, etc.

I'm a confident guy and I love to have a laugh (if, for example, one of my friends did that - I would have thought it was joke!) but, I can't lie, it did hurt and it did embarrass me. I was thinking about it being on the other foot - some girl getting a nip-on or something and me uploading it - I'd have been called a pest and all that; but because a girl did it to a guy, its perfectly acceptable!?

Obviously, comparatively an extremely minor issue, but given the comment about not being secluded from it in our own homes; it is interesting to look back on that and how it made me feel. Literally wanted to lose my phone down the back of the sofa for a few days and not venture out of the house. Also made me think about high school and a few girls sending out salacious pics to their boyfriends and those pictures somehow getting out and spread across social media.

It continues to be a platform that creates a stark contrast in opinion to me. Things like the "I'm safe" button on FB when a terror attack happens (i.e. Manchester / London) seem invaluable to me at the time; but how many mental health issues and potentially suicides that have derived as a result of cyber-bullying can hardly be comprehended at this stage.

posted on 19/8/19

You were embarrassed that people saw a pic of you with a stone on ?

comment by Admin1 (U1)

posted on 19/8/19

comment by Mad Max (U22216)
posted 2 minutes ago
You were embarrassed that people saw a pic of you with a stone on ?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I might not be the sharpest, but i gather that was key aspect of his comment.

posted on 19/8/19

Thought I was missing something.

It's natural so doesnt seem the most embarrassing thing for a fella.

comment by Admin1 (U1)

posted on 19/8/19

comment by Mad Max (U22216)
posted 11 seconds ago
Thought I was missing something.

It's natural so doesnt seem the most embarrassing thing for a fella.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Crapping is also natural, but i'd rather folk wouldn't circulate a video of me dropping one. It may also be a sense of vulnerability or insecurity, he may like many men have insecurities about the size of it. His reasons are his own.

posted on 19/8/19

The fact he brought it to the attention of the lady friend made me think he wasnt too insecure but hey hi, we are all different.

Hope you get over it soon fella.

posted on 19/8/19

Aha, it was not so much the embarrassment of the wood per se, but when its gone around half the bloody island (work colleagues, gym buddies, etc.) in a place within which you're fairly new and the fabrication of the stories that follow it - he was getting head on a packed beach in front of kids!!! - I don't know, it was just kind of hurtful to me.

Its different if its within your friendship group / family and they're having a laugh about it; but when you're well aware that some people aren't your biggest fan and they are deliberately using it as ammunition with which to disparage you...I think it changes the dynamic a bit.

Anyway, the point was not that this was something that is going to scar me for the rest of my life(!), the point was, on an extremely watered down basis, that the sanctuary of your home no longer exists because of things like mobile phones and social media.

Imagine I was very insecure about it; imagine I was a lot younger and it was going round school and that was something very important to me; imagine I had simply made a mistake - a racist comment made in jest or something, as had been previously suggested - the world today is a much less forgiving environment and, chances are, those same things that used to go unchecked may now be permeated on the internet and scrutinised to a degree that perhaps does not warrant the context.

posted on 19/8/19

Blimey. Bit more to it than you initially said.

I was going to applaud you for having a stonk on that demanded the attention of the surrounding ladies.

posted on 19/8/19

Within the right circles - that's all it would have been - alas, island life seems a little more cliquey and cut-throat than I'd first hoped...need to get back to the Shire!

posted on 19/8/19

Seen that Young lad dead didn't know it was suicide. Lot of coldness in the world now, lack of humanity for others, online nastiness. Vacuous consumer living ,poor lost kid...don't give up hope. Still love in the world

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