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Serious Debate Time

After you have had a poo do you stand up to wipe your bottom ?

Btw must thank Admin for allowing this. Not often you have genuine intellectual discourse on here.

posted 1 week, 1 day ago

I recommend the option of both positions. Doing it sitting down and then finishing off standing up is far more satisfying. Life would be boring using one position all the time.

posted 1 week, 1 day ago

Also interested to hear what people would use if they were caught short?
_____________________________

Was travelling via bus from Dundee to London to see Scotland play Brazil at the Emirates. As we got to Perth I started feeling unwell. By the time we stopped at the Watford Gap services I was very unwell. Went to the toilet at the station and thought that was the end of it.

I was wrong. Very wrong.

As we boarded the bus my stomach started churning. I was sweating. Profusely. My stomach was doing knots and every fibre of my being was concentrated on holding everything inside.

Then I realised the inevitable. I needed to go to the bus toilet.

Got to the back of the bus and at this point the urgency was overwhelming. And someone was in the bathroom (being sick). Panic. The situation was dire. It was all I could do to hold it in.

Finally the door opened. As the inhabitant stumbled out he was pushed aside, the kilt lifted and as I sat down the liquid sludge poured out of me. It was as if my entire insides came out of me in liquid form. On and on it went. And the smell. By god the smell. Small children would have immediately died. The elderly would have gone shortly afterwards.

And then, finally, it was over. The liquid stopped.

I was drenched in sweat at this point, but the nightmare was over. Or so I thought.

There was no toilet paper.

A new panic set in. What the hell was I going to do? I couldn't even imagine the scene in the pan, nor what condition my buttocks were in. The likelihood of splashback had been high, and it was likely my entire backside required cleaning.

I took the only option available to me. My kilt socks. Both were destroyed. Covered in brown sludge.

Naturally I wiped while sitting down because I'm not an animal.

Afterwards, cleaned as best as I could, and after I vacated the toilet, amid the retching of my fellow passengers, a kind hearted soul, a saint if you will, passed me some wet wipes. I ventured back in and cleaned.

I didn't poo again that day, although each time I broke wind I feared the worst. That day will live with me for eternity, and never again will I take the bus to London.

posted 1 week, 1 day ago

comment by Hod idol - Jose's real tin set! (U5117)
posted 6 minutes ago
I recommend the option of both positions. Doing it sitting down and then finishing off standing up is far more satisfying. Life would be boring using one position all the time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I wish my wife would have this attitude

posted 1 week, 1 day ago

comment by HB Fash (U21935)
posted 1 hour, 45 minutes ago
Please tell me you don't use 1 sheet at a time.

That is for the clinically insane, at least 3 sheets folded before you go near your crevice.

Too much risk involved in the 1 sheet at a time debacle, the finger could easily slip through.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Three sheets total per visit.

Two sheets folded into three, then two sheets folded into two normally does it.

Disclaimer: I am a fish-eating otherwise vegetarian who eats very little dairy and very little processed food; i.e. no red or white meat, and close to no trans fats.

This means that my seated visits are usually relatively very, errr, direct and efficient.

posted 1 week, 1 day ago

*Two sheets folded into three, then *one* sheet folded into two normally does it.

posted 1 week, 1 day ago

comment by IvanGolacIsMagic (U5291)
posted 1 hour, 12 minutes ago
Also interested to hear what people would use if they were caught short?
_____________________________

Was travelling via bus from Dundee to London to see Scotland play Brazil at the Emirates. As we got to Perth I started feeling unwell. By the time we stopped at the Watford Gap services I was very unwell. Went to the toilet at the station and thought that was the end of it.

I was wrong. Very wrong.

As we boarded the bus my stomach started churning. I was sweating. Profusely. My stomach was doing knots and every fibre of my being was concentrated on holding everything inside.

Then I realised the inevitable. I needed to go to the bus toilet.

Got to the back of the bus and at this point the urgency was overwhelming. And someone was in the bathroom (being sick). Panic. The situation was dire. It was all I could do to hold it in.

Finally the door opened. As the inhabitant stumbled out he was pushed aside, the kilt lifted and as I sat down the liquid sludge poured out of me. It was as if my entire insides came out of me in liquid form. On and on it went. And the smell. By god the smell. Small children would have immediately died. The elderly would have gone shortly afterwards.

And then, finally, it was over. The liquid stopped.

I was drenched in sweat at this point, but the nightmare was over. Or so I thought.

There was no toilet paper.

A new panic set in. What the hell was I going to do? I couldn't even imagine the scene in the pan, nor what condition my buttocks were in. The likelihood of splashback had been high, and it was likely my entire backside required cleaning.

I took the only option available to me. My kilt socks. Both were destroyed. Covered in brown sludge.

Naturally I wiped while sitting down because I'm not an animal.

Afterwards, cleaned as best as I could, and after I vacated the toilet, amid the retching of my fellow passengers, a kind hearted soul, a saint if you will, passed me some wet wipes. I ventured back in and cleaned.

I didn't poo again that day, although each time I broke wind I feared the worst. That day will live with me for eternity, and never again will I take the bus to London.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
It wouldn't have been the first time a Scotsman pooed himself travelling to England.

posted 1 week, 1 day ago

If our buttcrack would be horizontal our assess would applaud us everytime we'd walk down the stairs.

posted 1 week, 1 day ago

comment by Yoda's big brother Hulk (U1250)
posted 2 hours, 3 minutes ago
If our buttcrack would be horizontal our assess would applaud us everytime we'd walk down the stairs.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yours would probably boo.

posted 1 week, 1 day ago

Imagine being booed by your own rear.

Its like a player being booed by his own fans, proof of certified uselessness.

posted 1 week ago

“ I took the only option available to me. My kilt socks. Both were destroyed. Covered in brown sludge.”

Not many people are aware of this handy second use of socks in your darkest moment. Suprisingly absorbent. 10/10 would use again 👍

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