Stress...

READING 1-1 FOREST

AT LEAST IT'S EXCITING...

Some experiences are too painful to recall, so you'll have to be satisfied with a review of Forest fans' comments.

Reading fans are as dumb as soup.
This may or may not be true. Reading is most famous for being Not Somewhere Else. This leads to the moral vacancy which explains their persecution of Oscar Wilde and their adoration of Charlie Twunt Adam. Blaming Reading fans for being dumb is much like blaming the Shy Moor Folk for smelling of peat - it may be true, but is a very cheap shot indeed.

Charlie Adam is a nasty little twunt.
This is a perfectly acceptable thing to say. The sad thing about this insult, however, is that Charlie Twunt Adam would accept it as a compliment. Not only is "Twunt" his middle name, his career has been built on the occasional pass, the sly foul, the aggravated dive and the persistent intimidation of referees. It is, of course, because his sense of humour has been fried by a mangled sense of self importance and a bruised elbow. Anybody who can't laugh at themselves after being reduced by Sam Basso deserves to be called a twunt.

Has Sami got his feet on the wrong legs?
Sameobi had a sterling game against Reading Ladies, but there are always those comedians ready to pounce on his occasional tangles and, to be frank, their cheap humour is getting tiresome. It's time such comic asides were directed away from our own players and towards other targets. Like, for instance, Jack Twunt Grealish.

Tyler's just scored again.
Baby Walker, on loan to Lincoln City in league one, scored in the 48th minute against Shrewsbury or Scunthorpe or Shropshire or somebody else in league one. This is of course compelling evidence that we must recall him immediately or indeed that we should never have loaned him out in the first place, and also a sly dig at Forest's mythically dysfunctional transfer policy. We really are the worst, aren't we?

Get the ball in the net - it's not that hard.
This comment resulted from Forest's inability to score during a period of pressure towards the end of the match, and was uttered by a bloke who, Stress noticed later, walked with a limp, and who, when closely questioned, revealed an appalling ignorance of critical dynamics or random number theory. He was reported to the authorities and banned from all Football League grounds until he learned something about the game.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
This is what happened in the last two minutes of the game. At the end of the five minutes of extra time, Ben Watson scored a ginger beauty to send Forest fans into ruptures (sic). The referee then waited until Reading Ladies equalised two minutes later before he blew his whistle. Even the dumb-as-soup Reading fans knew that Forest had been defrauded. The YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! was still going when the NOOOOOOOOOOOO! kicked in, which meant the YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! lasted longer than the NOOOOOOOOOOOO! The NOOOOOOOOOOOO! was more of a short lived sob of disbelief which gave way to an angry and wide ranging discussion about death and taxes.

I'd have settled for a point before the game, and I'll happily settle for a point now.
There's always one, isn't there? The listen to me I'm emotionally bankrupt and actually proud of it kind of person. The kind of person who thinks that being upset is a sign of weakness, and probably has nothing but contempt for ordinary football fans because they do not possess his/her eerie talent for rationalising disappointment out of existence. Of course, such a person may just be lying to him/herself. That would be sad, wouldn't it?

Same old Forest.
Oh sod off. Same to the "another opportunity blown" or "it could only happen to us" brigade. Just sodoff and listen to the fans of (insert name of any other football club here). They're just you wearing different colours.

They do say that you're at your most vulnerable just after you've scored
I'm not sure that's true. I would imagine running through a cactus market wearing no clothes would make you feel pretty vulnerable, or testing out what appears to be a zebra crossing in France. And even if it were true, it's a bit like giving out mortality statistics to really old people. It's distasteful and unnecessary, and you just don't do it unless you work for TalkSport.