Not seen one of these threads for many moons, I know it’ll be a bit slow at work, so...
Went to Anfield the other week, little scouser came up and asked “can I mind your car Mister?"
“No! And there’s a fckin Rottweiler in the back of there"
“Oh" he replied, “it can put fires out, can it?"
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Scouser copped for a prostitute and she asked if he wanted a bloooow job. He replied “Won’t affect my dole money will it?"
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Punk Rocker on the bus with this Nun and he says to her “I’d love to give you one!"
The Nun says quietly “go away please"
“But I’ve never had a Nun, I’d really love to give you one"
Bus Conductor approaches and says “hey you, stop keep fckin bothering that Nun, she’s a straight Nun so stop that on my bus"
Conductor takes the Punk Rocker to one side and says, “I’ll give you a bit of a tip, every night she’s goes into the church cemetery waiting for the Holy Ghost, half 10"
So the next night the Punk Rocker goes to the cemetery with a white sheet over his head and as he approaches the Nun he calls out, in a ghostly fashion: “I am the Holy Ghost, I am the Holy Ghost!!"
To which the Nun replies “oh I have been waiting for you all my life, but now you have arrived it is the wrong time of the month, you’re gonna have to go around the back.
Not put off, the Ghost gives her a right good one and when they are finished he pulls the sheet from his head and shouts “AHA! PUNK ROCKER
To which, the Nun replies, removing her headdress “AHA Bus Conductor!!"
Jokes
posted on 4/1/22
comment by dunc - johnny lawrence is my sensei (U11713)
posted 14 minutes ago
what is black and screams
stevie wonder answering the iron
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ffs
posted on 4/1/22
comment by Bobby Dazzler (U1449)
posted 3 minutes ago
What’s got 88 legs and 6 teeth?
The queue for spoons
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😂
posted on 4/1/22
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?
He lies awake at night wondering if there’s a dog.
posted on 4/1/22
A guy was walking through a park in Manchester when he see’s a dog attack a kid!
He runs over grabs the dog and breaks its neck, killing it!
A reporter from the MEN went over to him and said “you’re a hero i can see my headline tomorrow, Man Utd fan saves child from savage dog”
The guy says “I don’t support Man Utd”
The reporter replies “right, Man City fan risks his life to save child from rabid dog”
The guy replies “sorry im not a Man City fan either I support Liverpool”
The reporter then replies “ahhh Liverpool fan murders loving family pet”! 😜
posted on 4/1/22
Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman walk into a bar.
The barman says 'is this some kind of a joke'?
posted on 4/1/22
comment by dunc - johnny lawrence is my sensei (U11713)
posted 4 hours, 18 minutes ago
what is black and screams
stevie wonder answering the iron
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this is good
posted on 4/1/22
comment by Bobby Dazzler (U1449)
posted 4 hours, 56 minutes ago
Q.Why did the baker have smelly hands?
A.He kneaded a poo
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posted on 4/1/22
I've spent 10 years searching for my wife's murderer.
Still haven't found anyone willing to do it.
posted on 4/1/22
bobbys on fire.
posted on 5/1/22
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ivan
Ivan who?
Yes