EB_WE_ARE_THE_PEOPLE (U9170)

Ok one more

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.
He shouted, "Do you think I'm stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door."
I said, "You're not coming in mate!"
He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car.

"What do we want?" A cure for Tourettes!
"When do we want it?" Cv@ts!
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2 dyslexic guys in a house. One turns to the other and says can you smell gas. The other replies, smell gas!!! I can't even smell my name!!!

Myra Hindley is walking through the Yorkshire Moors, hand-in-hand with a little boy.
“I’m scared,” moaned the boy.
“You’re scared!” she replied. “I have to come back alone.”

What’s the difference between menstrual blood and sand?
You can’t gargle sand.

What’s the worst thing about eating vegetables?
Getting caught up in the wheelchair.

What should you do if you find a woman lying in a ditch at the side of the road?
Ask her why she left the kitchen.

Q) What has two legs and bleeds?
A) Half a dog.

Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says: "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead.

Comment deleted by Site Moderator

Did you hear about Stevie Wonder and the cheesegrater?


It was the scariest book he's ever read.

I was showing my doctor the rash on my c*ck today. he seemed pretty uncomfortable and didn't want to examine it. He just said make an appointment at the surgery tomorrow and walked off pushing his trolley with his wife and kids...........


Was out walking with the wife this morning. She suddenly stopped and removed her shoe complaining about a stone in it. I replied "theres about 20 stone in the other so keeping walking you fat c*nt"

What do you do if an epeliptic has a fit in the bath?
Chuck your washing in.

If you have a green ball in the left hand and a green ball in the right. What do you have?
Kermit the frog’s undivided attention

what's the best part about twenty nine year olds?

there's twenty of them

What do you do with 365 used condoms? Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear

I went to my local with my girlfriend last night and all the locals were shouting 'pedo' and 'perv' at me - I'm 50 and she 21!! It ruined our 10 anniversary!

Science exam question: What's contained in a cell?

My answer: Scousers

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My mate David had his ID stoilen yesterday...

We call him Dav now.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs playing the piano? Clever D*ck

comment by scrotie mcboogerballs (U9167)
posted 1 hour, 45 minutes ago
What do you do if an epeliptic has a fit in the bath?
Chuck your washing in.

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That's not very nice. My brother was epileptic and he died in the bath.

























He choked on a sock.

Comment deleted by Site Moderator

How is knocking up your girlfriend like locking your keys out of your car?
The problem goes away with the aid of a coathangar.

Like your style scrotie!

How many dead babies does it take to paint a house?

depends on how hard you throw them

comment by I_play_like_lucas (U8484)
posted 2 minutes ago

How many dead babies does it take to paint a house?

depends on how hard you throw them
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good man. surprised this hasn't been shut down yet

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.