I bought an octopus yesterday, it looked a bit peaky, unsurprisingly it died this morning...

I should have known better really it only cost me six quid

I have two rugs named A and B. Rug A is a pretty ornate rug. Rug B is a sport.

Got a tattoo of a bonfire on my wrist.

Loads of places won't let me in with fire arms.

I went to a horrible pub last night called "The Fiddle"...
It really was a Vile Inn.

A guy inherits a priceless musical instrument from a distant relative.

He goes down to the insurance brokers to make sure it’s fully covered.

The insurance broker agrees to insure it on one condition-

“You must make sure you place the the instrument in the fridge when you’re not playing it”

The guy says “What, and freeze a jolly good cello?”

comment by Boris 'Inky' Gibson (U5901)
posted 6 hours, 31 minutes ago
A guy inherits a priceless musical instrument from a distant relative.

He goes down to the insurance brokers to make sure it’s fully covered.

The insurance broker agrees to insure it on one condition-

“You must make sure you place the the instrument in the fridge when you’re not playing it”

The guy says “What, and freeze a jolly good cello?”
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Did you hear of the part time Gynaecologist who only worked on Tuesdays & Thursdays






He said It was just to keep his hand in

What happens if someone slaps you at high frequency?

It hertz

I was sober for 12 years

Then I turned 13

Why did Micheal Jackson like Florida so much...?



It gave him a chance to go to Tampa with the kids