What do Haaland and a magician have in common?
They both do hat tricks
What’s the difference between Dundee United and a bucket of sh*t?
The 🪣
How many men does it take to get relegated from the SPL?
Dundee FC
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.
Dundee fan gets low and tries to hang himself in his full Dundee kit. The police arrive and quickly remove the Dundee kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused, asks why.
The policeman simply replies, ‘It’s to avoid embarrassing your family.’
How can you tell when a Dundee fan has been using your laptop?
There's Tippex on the screen
David de Gea was so upset after his performance against City that he threw himself in front of a bus. It went under his body.
The old jokes are the worst ones.
The police stop a man dressed in a United shirt and with a United scarf trying to break into the Etihad. The police ask him what he is doing and he says that he is going to hang himself from the Colin Bell stand roof. The policeman says that is terrible but surely you should be at Old Trafford, to which the United fan says " F*** off, have you seen the queue there?".
Sorry Reds, I'll get my coat.
I may be less than a month from being a "Meldrew" but my perception is as keen as a perceptive owl with night-vision binoculars. I sense an air of discrimination against Dundee here, or am I mistaken because of my advanced years? No owls were harmed in the posting of this comment.
As Dundee's struggles continued, a pound coin was thrown onto the pitch. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid.
Barry is getting his cake and not being able to eat it.
Pun you is bad bro 😎
Supporter parks his car at a car park near Anfield.
Kid pops out and says, “hey mister, I’ll watch your car for £20”
“No you won’t, and I’ve got a fcking Rottweiler in the back there”
“Can put fires out can it?”
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Football jokes
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posted on 4/10/22
What do Haaland and a magician have in common?
They both do hat tricks
posted on 4/10/22
What’s the difference between Dundee United and a bucket of sh*t?
The 🪣
posted on 4/10/22
How many men does it take to get relegated from the SPL?
Dundee FC
posted on 4/10/22
Liverpool
posted on 4/10/22
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.
posted on 4/10/22
Dundee fan gets low and tries to hang himself in his full Dundee kit. The police arrive and quickly remove the Dundee kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused, asks why.
The policeman simply replies, ‘It’s to avoid embarrassing your family.’
posted on 4/10/22
How can you tell when a Dundee fan has been using your laptop?
There's Tippex on the screen
posted on 4/10/22
David de Gea was so upset after his performance against City that he threw himself in front of a bus. It went under his body.
The old jokes are the worst ones.
posted on 4/10/22
The police stop a man dressed in a United shirt and with a United scarf trying to break into the Etihad. The police ask him what he is doing and he says that he is going to hang himself from the Colin Bell stand roof. The policeman says that is terrible but surely you should be at Old Trafford, to which the United fan says " F*** off, have you seen the queue there?".
Sorry Reds, I'll get my coat.
posted on 4/10/22
I may be less than a month from being a "Meldrew" but my perception is as keen as a perceptive owl with night-vision binoculars. I sense an air of discrimination against Dundee here, or am I mistaken because of my advanced years? No owls were harmed in the posting of this comment.
posted on 4/10/22
As Dundee's struggles continued, a pound coin was thrown onto the pitch. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid.
posted on 5/10/22
Barry is getting his cake and not being able to eat it.
Pun you is bad bro 😎
posted on 5/10/22
Bad To The Bone
posted on 5/10/22
Supporter parks his car at a car park near Anfield.
Kid pops out and says, “hey mister, I’ll watch your car for £20”
“No you won’t, and I’ve got a fcking Rottweiler in the back there”
“Can put fires out can it?”
Page 1 of 1