Thanks for sharing Wonder Mam.

Man*

When I read about the death of someone with this line "police are not treating the death as suspicious", I just draw my own conclusion.

But I agree with the op. We need to talk about this suicide.
Especially the causes of it so that others who are going through similar experience, could feel they are not alone.

I've never told anyone this, but many years ago I was in a really bad place and looking back I think I came quite close to just calling it a day. I was just so unhappy.

Hadn't even thought about suicide and saying it makes me feel weird but I suppose that is what it boils down to. I was out on my bike - maybe late teens or aroun 20/21, can't even remember why, and I crossed a railway line into a nearby park. I just stopped on in the middle of the line. Can't even tell you what I was thinking at the time - I was just a bit numb and just didn't care anymore.

What I would have done if a train had past in those few minutes, I've no idea. Probably would have moved.

I feel like I'm cheapening the conversation by even mentioning it. I was just young and deeply unhappy - nothing more, nothing less.

I don't know what the answer is though. No one knew. People probably thought I was happy, if anything. And there's absolutely no way I'd talk about it with anyone.

And that's the big issue I think.

Regretting posting that now.

comment by Winston (U16525)
posted 3 minutes ago
I've never told anyone this, but many years ago I was in a really bad place and looking back I think I came quite close to just calling it a day. I was just so unhappy.

Hadn't even thought about suicide and saying it makes me feel weird but I suppose that is what it boils down to. I was out on my bike - maybe late teens or aroun 20/21, can't even remember why, and I crossed a railway line into a nearby park. I just stopped on in the middle of the line. Can't even tell you what I was thinking at the time - I was just a bit numb and just didn't care anymore.

What I would have done if a train had past in those few minutes, I've no idea. Probably would have moved.

I feel like I'm cheapening the conversation by even mentioning it. I was just young and deeply unhappy - nothing more, nothing less.

I don't know what the answer is though. No one knew. People probably thought I was happy, if anything. And there's absolutely no way I'd talk about it with anyone.

And that's the big issue I think.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Definitely not cheapening the conversation. Particularly in my experience as I no motivation was ever found. I honestly believe in a lot of circumstances it can boil for. To a mind state that can be as fleeting as lasting a couple of hours, magnifying underlying problems, combined with an opportunity.
I think as problems progress people get into a position where they actually plan and attempt suicide. But there are definitely occasions where frank opportunities present themselves to vulnerable people

Wonder man
Don’t regret it Winston. Expressing things like that are good for the mind
However I’m sure either the OP or admin could delete the comment if you really wanted

Wonder Man (U11164)

It's a strange thing, how much things can play on the mind that may seem innocuous to most people.

I wasn't exactly the most popular kid at school but I was generally friendly with most people, I captained the football and cricket teams, I was pretty strong across subjects and from the outside I'm sure it appeared that I had a happy childhood - but at school I used to literally pray that I would wake up and be someone else.

I think that continued into adulthood for me, until I left my hometown and found a life that existed that worked for me.

I don't know what the causes were - perhaps it is something to do with the mind.

But as you say, sometimes it's really difficult to work out why someone might be deeply unhappy.

Irishred (U2539)

Cheers mate. For once, being an anonymous forum has it's advantages!

I wasn’t exactly the most popular kid at school

Looks like that has continued on to ja606
I’m only jesting Winston. It’s not easy to reveal things like that anonymously or not

comment by Irishred (U2539)
posted 1 minute ago
I wasn’t exactly the most popular kid at school

Looks like that has continued on to ja606
I’m only jesting Winston. It’s not easy to reveal things like that anonymously or not
----------------------------------------------------------------------



In all seriousness though, I was a quiet kid - think I only realised I was allowed an opinion when I was about 23.

And then the monster was created...

So up until 23 Winston was a nice guy?

What alignment of the planets or cosmic time shift caused this change?
I’m blaming VAR

comment by Irishred (U2539)
posted 4 minutes ago
So up until 23 Winston was a nice guy?

What alignment of the planets or cosmic time shift caused this change?
I’m blaming VAR
----------------------------------------------------------------------

haha - I promise you I'm as nice as pie!

comment by Wonder Man (U11164)
posted 3 hours, 23 minutes ago
I lost someone very close to me to suicide a few years ago, so my answers to the question in the OP might be a little specific, so I apologise if they don’t always address the general issue but I’m sure it’s a relevant perspective either way
I found my close friend the morning after he succeeded in taking his own life. I can tell you that even know I can’t see the what the signs were. I’m not saying that nothing ever bothered him but I had no idea his issues ran anywhere near as deep. As often seems the case, he was someone who appeared so happy. Extroverted and incredibly supportive of his friends. This not letting on his own struggles
With regards to the reporting of the term suicide. The police took a 2-3 months with an inquest and the verdict came back as misadventure. Bear in mind that I found my friend after he had hung himself. I think it would be inappropriate and disrespectful to those close to the incident to report suicide before that conclusion has been arrived at. I say this not because of stigma or shame. But because of shock and pain that these people are still trying to process. These people now become a priority as they themselves can be at risk of spiralling. They need to be allowed to process what’s happened and grieve properly, or it can easily develop into mental health issues of their own
Finally, the support just is not there at the moment. It seems that any preventive treatment is currently coming from charities and not the NHS. A friend of mine who is a mental health nurse is quite open about the fact they are only able to help people after something has happened.
I myself requested counselling after the incident. But was told the NHS could not help as it did not offer bereavement counselling. I was actually struggling with flash backs and panic attacks due to the actual act of finding the body. Though I’m not suggesting the effect of the grief was not exasepating the issue.
I did eventually get support from a charity, and I’m really not sure where I’d be if I didn’t.
As I say that’s my perspective on a specific incident. It may be a bit rambling and not make a specific point. But I feel it’s probably important to share it more than I currently do. Whether that’s for me or for anyone that might need to hear it
----------------------------------------------------------------------
dam man that's tough, I hope you're doing ok.

comment by Gaffer Pranks (U6283)
posted 1 minute ago
comment by Wonder Man (U11164)
posted 3 hours, 23 minutes ago
I lost someone very close to me to suicide a few years ago, so my answers to the question in the OP might be a little specific, so I apologise if they don’t always address the general issue but I’m sure it’s a relevant perspective either way
I found my close friend the morning after he succeeded in taking his own life. I can tell you that even know I can’t see the what the signs were. I’m not saying that nothing ever bothered him but I had no idea his issues ran anywhere near as deep. As often seems the case, he was someone who appeared so happy. Extroverted and incredibly supportive of his friends. This not letting on his own struggles
With regards to the reporting of the term suicide. The police took a 2-3 months with an inquest and the verdict came back as misadventure. Bear in mind that I found my friend after he had hung himself. I think it would be inappropriate and disrespectful to those close to the incident to report suicide before that conclusion has been arrived at. I say this not because of stigma or shame. But because of shock and pain that these people are still trying to process. These people now become a priority as they themselves can be at risk of spiralling. They need to be allowed to process what’s happened and grieve properly, or it can easily develop into mental health issues of their own
Finally, the support just is not there at the moment. It seems that any preventive treatment is currently coming from charities and not the NHS. A friend of mine who is a mental health nurse is quite open about the fact they are only able to help people after something has happened.
I myself requested counselling after the incident. But was told the NHS could not help as it did not offer bereavement counselling. I was actually struggling with flash backs and panic attacks due to the actual act of finding the body. Though I’m not suggesting the effect of the grief was not exasepating the issue.
I did eventually get support from a charity, and I’m really not sure where I’d be if I didn’t.
As I say that’s my perspective on a specific incident. It may be a bit rambling and not make a specific point. But I feel it’s probably important to share it more than I currently do. Whether that’s for me or for anyone that might need to hear it
----------------------------------------------------------------------
dam man that's tough, I hope you're doing ok.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Will be 3 years on October 1st. Tbh I wasn’t ok for about a year and a half after it but I do feel like I’m myself again the past year or so.
Opening up and letting the people around me support me was really important. Not sure where I’d be without some of my friends

Wonder Man (U11164)

Yeh, sorry mate, should have said - that is hard on you and I really feel for you.

Do continue to talk about it when you feel the urge to.

Thanks guys. Really important to receive such a reassuring response when you do open up so please do continue to do it when anyone does. Can be incredibly daunting if you’re going through something especially if you feel like no one is listening

Its important to get the right advice though. Iv known people tell others with depressive behaviours to "man up" or "snap out of it"

Article has been a great read, I was unsure initially whether to let it stay up in case the usual trolls etc caused upset. 3 or 4 of my close friends work in addiction support or in mental health. They are often overworked and underpaid, and have to deal with the most soul destroying system failures and budgetary constraints. My mate had about 6 of his cases commit suicide last year, which impacted his own mental health significantly, a few years ago his weight was down to about 40Kg(he is about 6ft) as he wasn't getting a chance to eat due to the constant firefighting and stress. He has managed to find a new less chaotic job in mental health, but that doesnt solve the issue it his old work, it just means someone else is in the mire doing the best they can.

Amongst young males in particular, it is really bad. 30 year olds with decent jobs who cant afford to move out from under their parents' roof due to ridiculous house prices, non existent job security and the constant spectre of redundancy, the constant bombardment of illusionary success of platforms like facebook, adverts for high end cars portraying happy lives and attractive wives, feeling inadequate due to hollywood continually casting steroid absusing leading men who proclaim they got that way through eating chicken, not to mention the steroid abuse amongst young lads who know the reality. How about gambling adverts, "when the fun stops stop", how about not letting people deposit more than £100 a month, that might help, nope they would let you blow £10,000 a month no questions asked. Shops wont sell you more than 16 paracetamol tablets, for your own protection, but bookmakers have no qualms about taking £10k of a 20 year old lad in a single month. I'd love to know just how much that impacts suicide statistics.

Admin1 (U1)

A really powerful post and you raise so many really good and interesting points.

I have a 6 month old son and the bit about Facebook really worries me. I grew up in a world where no matter how bad your day was, you came home and shut the door and largely speaking, it was a safe haven. That can't be said now.

Such a shame that with no much to love and be happy about, these things can drag someone down to a point where they'd consider taking their own life.

And now we are in a world where second and third generations are being born in families that cannot cope with this. How can we 'blame the parents' when they themselves were children who grew up with no support?

It's scary stuff and I try not to feel down about it, but sometimes I wonder just how bad things need to get before more is done.

so much, not no much*

comment by Winston (U16525)
posted 13 minutes ago
Admin1 (U1)

A really powerful post and you raise so many really good and interesting points.

I have a 6 month old son and the bit about Facebook really worries me. I grew up in a world where no matter how bad your day was, you came home and shut the door and largely speaking, it was a safe haven. That can't be said now.

Such a shame that with no much to love and be happy about, these things can drag someone down to a point where they'd consider taking their own life.

And now we are in a world where second and third generations are being born in families that cannot cope with this. How can we 'blame the parents' when they themselves were children who grew up with no support?

It's scary stuff and I try not to feel down about it, but sometimes I wonder just how bad things need to get before more is done.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I remember when I was 16-17 occasionally I'd be at a party and hear ..one guy I remember in particular... being pretty racist ( awkward stuff) he is now a grown 40 year old man with a family who would never dream of saying such things or acting in such a way. Had social media existed back then , who knows what videos may have been posted online or what things on Facebook he might have shared. In today's world he'd have struggled to shake the idiocy of his youth off. That's a frightening thing. The permanence of mistakes or views long since passed.

Thanks for sharing some truly compelling stories, all; think its very healthy to open up about it wherever possible and, as said, it may be one of the times in which an anonymous forum is a great medium to let it out.

Interesting about the social media thing permeating mistakes and relinquishing your own home as a place of solitude and absent of outside pressures.

I was recently the victim of an (albeit funny) injurious social media post and, having thought about it again, it really did intrude into my own home.

Essentially, I'd gone to the beach with a lady friend and fallen asleep whilst sunbathing. As a man, SOMETIMES, when I fall asleep, I wake up and...y'know...interesting dreams and all that.

Anyway, I knelt up for what must have been 30 seconds and said to my lady friend "oh look...morning wood" and had a giggle about it...fast forward a few hours and I'm in my house with her, preparing to go out. One of my best friends messages me and says "Explain this" and attaches this picture.

Some girl had seen, took a photo of me; CIRCLED THE WOOD; and uploaded it to instagram for all to see. Word spreads like wildfire here and it wasn't long before my phone was like a hotline of people laughing and having digs, etc.

I'm a confident guy and I love to have a laugh (if, for example, one of my friends did that - I would have thought it was joke!) but, I can't lie, it did hurt and it did embarrass me. I was thinking about it being on the other foot - some girl getting a nip-on or something and me uploading it - I'd have been called a pest and all that; but because a girl did it to a guy, its perfectly acceptable!?

Obviously, comparatively an extremely minor issue, but given the comment about not being secluded from it in our own homes; it is interesting to look back on that and how it made me feel. Literally wanted to lose my phone down the back of the sofa for a few days and not venture out of the house. Also made me think about high school and a few girls sending out salacious pics to their boyfriends and those pictures somehow getting out and spread across social media.

It continues to be a platform that creates a stark contrast in opinion to me. Things like the "I'm safe" button on FB when a terror attack happens (i.e. Manchester / London) seem invaluable to me at the time; but how many mental health issues and potentially suicides that have derived as a result of cyber-bullying can hardly be comprehended at this stage.

You were embarrassed that people saw a pic of you with a stone on ?

comment by Mad Max (U22216)
posted 2 minutes ago
You were embarrassed that people saw a pic of you with a stone on ?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I might not be the sharpest, but i gather that was key aspect of his comment.