Steven Gerrard: The Next James Bond

Steven Gerrard is the next James Bond

Lifelong Liverpool fan Daniel Craig thought that he'd avoided giving the game away this week when he "jokingly" mentioned that Steven Gerrard would make a good James Bond. Citing the midfielder as "a good leader", the current 007 star was hiding in plain sight some massive news. WWLTW can confirm that Gerrard will indeed be the next man to play Bond.

How did this column uncover this information? Well, don't ask it how, but WWLTW has obtained a copy of the script for the next film, provisionally titled 'The Capital One Cup Is Not Enough'. Read on...

SCENE ONE – ANFIELD. NIGHT. LIVERPOOL have just lost 4-1 to CSKA ODDJOB in the EUROPA LEAGUE. STEVEN GERRARD enters the dressing room, where M (played by RAFA BENITEZ) is waiting.

M: Good evening, Mr Bond. Shaken or stirred?

GERRARD: Ehhh ... disappointed, mainly. We've come into the game wanting to win and we've not done that. It's not pleasing but the lads have got character and we'll try and bounce back, like.

Suddenly, there is A CAR CHASE. This is the opening scene of a BOND MOVIE, after all.

SCENE TWO – OPENING CREDITS. SHIRLEY BASSEY clears her throat for the BOND THEME. She is then knocked to the floor by STEVEN GERRARD.

GERRARD: I said, I want to hear Phil Collins! NOW!

SCENE FOURTEEN – LONDON. DAY. STEVEN GERRARD decloaks the INVISIBLE BOND CAR and steps out to meet Q (played by ROY HODGSON).

Q: Hello, Mr Bond. We need you to investigate a shadowy group of Ukrainians who have infiltrated London. They're planning to plant a bomb in the nets at Wembley! Actually, it might be a ball. We're not sure. Either way, we recommend a stealthy approach – make sure you act as if you haven't even turned up at all.

GERRARD: Will do, boss. Got any useful gadgets for me?

Q: Try this for size. On the outside, it looks like a simple, outdated midfield partnership with Frank Lampard that will never work. On the inside ... well, it's the same on the inside. But nobody would suspect that we would ever try that trick again – not after the Rustenburg mission - so that could work to your advantage.

SCENE THIRTY-FOUR – SECRET SPECTRE SPACELAB. It is neither DAY nor NIGHT because it's in SPACE. STEVEN GERRARD has been apprehended by SPECTRE and brought before BLOFELDAN RODGERS.

GERRARD: Blofeldan! Do you expect me to talk, boss?

BLOFELDAN: No, Mr Bond, I expect you to dive!

GERRARD: Never!

STEVEN GERRARD gives a KNOWING WINK to THE CAMERA.

GERRARD: Eh, since you've captured me, boss, fancy telling me your evil plan?

BLOFELDAN: You can't fool me that easily, Bond!

GERRARD: I brought an American TV documentary crew with me!

BLOFELDAN: Oh, why didn't you say so before? Very well then – allow me to explain how I will RELEGATE LIVERPOOL FOOTBALL CLUB! A-HAHAHAHA...

Will Steven Gerrard escape the nefarious clutches of Blofeldan Rodgers and foil his dastardly plot? Is the Bond girl, Fernando Torres, as loyal as she appears? And since when could Stewart Downing do THAT? All these questions and more will be answered in THE CAPITAL ONE CUP IS NOT ENOUGH – in cinemas 2015!


Taken from Goal.com so you don't all lose your minds when you think I tried to take credit
http://www.goal.com/en-gb/news/3558/what-we-learned-this-week/2012/10/26/3478127/what-we-learned-this-week-the-english-get-lost-in-translation-in-