An appeal on behalf of Bob

Bob is a bit of a geek and he always has been. Whatever the latest gadget is he has to have it. He had a mobile phone before they were mobile, he had a laptop before they would fit on your lap and he had an iPod before he had eyes.

When he left school he knew he'd work in computers because computers were like the friends he'd never had. Computers didn't pick on him or steal his lunch money or throw him into a ditch by the science block and then wee on him. Computers were much better than people.

Then the internet came along. Bob embraced it, it seemed to him that the world had opened up, he was no longer alone. Geeks around the world could communicate with each other without having to do anything like make eye contact or wipe the sugar from their yum yums off their chins.

But Bob had a secret, something he couldn't tell the other geeks in case they thought he wasn't one of them...Bob liked football. He was an Arsenal fan, and one day he saw that his favourite team needed someone to run their Twitter account. Bob applied and to his surprise and elation he got the job.

Since then however Bob's life has spiralled downwards somewhat. At first he ignored the abuse he got: @Arsenal SPEND SOME FUDGING MONEY!!! #spendsomefudgingmoney @Arsenal Sack Wenegar!!! Now!!! #now @Arsenal I hate you! I've supported you since I was 6 and this is how you repay me you bumbag!!! #!!!

But then he received the following tweet: Hey @Arsenal I'm going to throw you in a ditch by the science block and wee on you unless you buy Suarez #wee.

Bob couldn't take it anymore, he march straight up to Arsene Wenger's door and demanded to speak to the boss. Wenger took one look at him and said "sorry, I don't know who you are and to be honest I don't really care. Your problems are none of my concernand anyone who believes that the messages they send you on social networking sites may in some way filter back to myself or the board are as deluded as the journalists who actually believed I was going to spend £70m this summer."

Chastened Bob went back to his desk and wrote down some ideas for the next Arsenal Quiz, but his heart wasn't really in it and he's now thinking of turning to crack or worse, Instagram.

So this is an appeal on behalf of Bob, for his sanity please stop mistaking the Arsenal twitter account for Arsenal FC's upper management. Thank you.