Arsenal Monopolise 'Almost' Signings

Arsenal have made an audacious triple swoop to strengthen their team by almost signing Higuain, Suarez and Luiz Gustavo.

Boss Arsene Wenger is reported to have said
"I think this will prove to everyone how ambitious we are and that we are the top club in Europe. This continues the good progress from when we almost signed Goetze and Isco last year and only last week we almost signed Rooney, Fabregas and Lars Bender. If any of the top players in the world become available we can guarantee that we will almost sign them."

Tottenham manager André Villas-Boas was rumoured to have said
"I just don't know how we can compete with Arsenal. We signed Roberto Soldado and straight away they responded by almost signing Higuain, Suarez and Luiz Gustavo."

Jose Mourinho stated
"Arsenal are ruining the game with their monopoly on almost signing people. The rest of us just don't stand a chance. I would have loved to have almost signed these 3 players but we are just not in a position to compete."

Spanish giants Real Madrid commented that they were very worried that Arsenal would start to unsettle some of their stars with the possibility of nearly signing for Arsenal being hard to turn down.

Arsenal Chairman Sir "Chips" Keswick explained "This is the beginning of another golden era in the fortunes of Arsenal football club, we have made extensive funds available to the manager and have told him that that he can nearly sign any player he wishes".


Taken and adapted from http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/606/A33133187 (how times have changed )