......Man.
instead of a Woe Man .
You can wear the same pair of shoes for 10 years,
& they never go out of fashion
No one stares at your chest when they are talking to you.
You are 'expected' to go to the match...missing a funeral, Wedding or Christening means nothing
Wrinkles add 'character'
Phone calls are over in 30 seconds.
You get the Christmas shopping done in 10 minutes flat at 4:50pm on the 24th.
We can open all our own jars.
We don't need a credit card when we go for a hair cut .
We NEVER have to shave below the neck .
Don't see wrinkles in clothes.
Never pause to think which way to turn a nut onto a bolt (Lou might struggle with this one
A good old ripper of a belch with accompanying bad breath is perfectly acceptable
A weekend away (watching TOWN for instance) doesn't require 'Luggage'
We don't give a Sheet if it's windy & raining when we come out of the barbers.
A belly aching 'peace' can be performed anywhere .
There must be more !
It's great to be a TOWN FAN........
posted on 22/9/13
Walt(z in the Cowshed) was walking back to his car after the 0-0 draw at Ewood... deep in thought, praying to God,
wanting better for TOWN .....
All of a sudden, he shouted out,
"Please help me God "
Well hell fire, The clouds parted, & a thundering voice told Walt, that because he wasn't malicious & of good intent, he would indeed grant him One wish !
Walt let 'the handbrake off' & went into it......
"I want to be Town Chairman, I want eleven of the worlds top players, A 60 thou new stadium, drop dead gorgeous birds catering to the fans needs, even more...."
"No Walt. Hold it..." God went onto explain all that was materialistic, vanity, ego, Pleasure without a moral foundation..."No Walt, I want you to think of something more spiritual, conscientious, of peace & tranquility ".
Walt had to go back to the drawing board, this wasn't as easy as he thought........
"I have it, Look Lord, I've been married 4 times and made a right pigs ear of all of it. So help me to be more understanding, I need to know how to love & be considerate, I must show compassion, Sympathy, empathy, & become more unselfish & understanding,
what do you reckon Lord" !
God said, "OK, Lets get back to this stadium business"
posted on 22/9/13
LV69 is flying back to the UK from OZ to watch TOWN in a cup tie....he sits in his seat, The other one is empty, & he hopes it remains that way so he can spread out & maybe get some sleep for the 19 hour flight home.
But NO ,
Someone is putting a holdall in the overhead compartment right above him...
But disappointment turns to excitement !!! It is the most stunning chick he has ever seen, & sure enough, she snuggles right up beside him
desperate to start a conversation, he blurts out...with a cheezy smile
"Where are you flying to today them"
She tells him - with an equally painted 'smile' - that she is a Nymphomaniac, & is a guest speaker at the Annual Nymphomaniac society gathering in.....
UddersFeeled !!!
LV has an instant 'crisis' in his pants ....
He's struggling to keep his cool, but asks What she will be talking about at this convention.
"Well, I'll be debunking quite a few popular misconceptions for starters"..........
LV wants to know more..."Like what" he asks ?
she went on....
"well one popular myth is that African men are most 'endowed' in the tackle department, but that is not true !
It is in fact American Indians...Sioux, Cherokees etc that have the mostest' ... & gives him a smile & a wink ....then added, "Also, it is always assumed Frenchmen make the greatest lovers, again this is a myth, as it is the Welsh who in fact carry out this trait the best..anyway, look at me telling you all this intimate stuff, & I don't even know your name"...
LV69 held out his hand & said....
Tonto,
Tonto Jones,
pleased to meet you.
posted on 22/9/13
Bingley Tez asks the wife...
"Do you fancy a quickie"
She said, "As opposed to what" ?
,
posted on 22/9/13
Mirf & his wife were sat out in the conservatory in the late summer evening, nice & quiet, cool drinks..content,
rocking back & forth in their rocking chairs.
when all of a sudden, Mirf's wife got her walking stick, & belted Mirf across both shins as hard as she could
The PAIN. tears in his eye's..."What the hell did you do that for" !
She said, "That's for 50 years of bad six"
Mirf said nowt
They both got back to rocking those chairs...............
Then Mirf grabbed his stick & gave her much the same..A right good crack across both legs...She writhed in agony
"You Bar Stud..why did you do that"
'That's for knowing the difference'.
posted on 22/9/13
<laugh.>
posted on 22/9/13
<thisphonereallyisgonnagetafookingbattering>
posted on 22/9/13
We'd be lost without you darn
posted on 22/9/13
Have you seen the state of Pilkington?
I'm not one for shaving, but Ffs lad shave it off!
posted on 23/9/13
Hey, Darn, how did you know my middle names? 😜