Most boring sport poll

Most boring sports pool, what is the dullest sport?



*
Cricket; the favourite. You’ll hear the words century mentioned in cricket. That’s how long watching a game lasts. Originally created as a form of colonial torture by the British empire, not content is subjugating the Indians and Pakistanis this evil was created to kick them when down, and utterly destroy their spirit. The only game that you can hear the final score and still not know who won, and filled with incomprehensible jargon such as duckworth mongoltwonk and a huge list of equipment; Bats, balls, boxes, pads, protection for every part of the body, helmets, stumps, bails, sight-screens, two umpires, a TV umpire, a fourth umpire to reduce the unemployment figures, a referee to give old cricketers a jet-setting job, scorers, coaches, nutritionists, analysts, psychologists . . . basically, organising the D-day landings was easier than staging a cricket match.

How to recreate the buzz of watching it: pick a statue, any statue, stare at it for 4623 years.

**
F1: for the love of driving. Driving on a ring road in heavy traffic. A sport you can genuinely watch the 1st 2 mins, go on a day out, come back for the last 2 mins, and not have missed anything.

How to recreate; pick a flyover on any motorway and watch cars go past. Alternatively to recreate Monaco GP, drive around Milton Keynes

***
Baseball: crickets American cousin. Expect a snazzier, sexxier, brasher and simplified game, which doesn’t last as long as Ice ages. It’s still boring. And like cricket relies on copious amounts of alcohol to make interesting. Players have a big glove on one hand and nothing on the other, in effect making it look like a game played by a load Jeremy Beadle impersonators...

How to recreate;: watch Beadles about

****
Golf: ah yes, the game of the snooty. Another filled with silly jargon, this however has the added advantage of a requirement to dress up like an eccentric Tory MP from 1734 in order to play. One can assume that it was invented as a way for these MP’s to hide from a yew tree investigator for most of the day. You are not doing it right unless you frown upon riff raff and report it to the club elders.

How to recreate. Go out for walk, scowl at the less wealthy.


*****
Equestrian: is this a sport? Think golf attire was bad, this top trumps the 1734 Tory MP look big time by going for a Tory Lord circa 1845 look, complete with horses. One can only assume in prancing about these pompous toff’s are imagining crushing the skulls of immigrants and the poor under hooves, before bumming their lifeless corpses, and imagining the good old days of spunky biscuit and private school quiff haircuts that were effective as makeshift cumm shields.

How to recreate: ‘accidentally’ put in the missus’s behind and hang on for dear life as she bucks around.