Ponting bloody and raw say saffas

In a surprise move the South African A team director prepared a surface which comprised of a massive bbq instead of a wicket.

Shane Watson declared that it was the hottest surface he had encountered since coach buchanan's legendary pre-ashes death camp took place on the surface of the sun.

"Aw look," drawled the aussie brawler "poor old Marsho had a nasty burn on the a^se. But on the plus side JP Duminy singed off his eyebrows."

Watto himself lasted a while on the griddle and came off quite crispy and quietly sizzling. Unlike his former captain who spent a total time of 78 seconds in the middle during the match.

"We wanted the Aussies to be undercooked for the coming series" explained SA cricket head chef Vincent Barnes. "I mean, I like a rare steak but Punter was bloody, raw and practically inedible."

Future England player Marchant de Lange said "Yes we lost inside three days, but winning was never the goal we had. The counties recruiting scouts saw enough on the first day."

The Aussies have called for a giant microwave in the hope of defrosting their miserable poison dwarf number 4 before the first test.