I was rudely awoken at 2am this morning by 3 Man Utd fans playing football with a hedgehog outside my house.
I was outraged and shocked.
Was just about to ring the RSPCA when the hedgehog went 1.0 up.
A man boarded a plane at Sydney airport and, taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the aircraft.
He realised she was heading straight towards his seat, and bingo! She took the seat right beside him.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out: "Business trip or holiday?"
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in the United States .."
The man swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer", she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
Really?" he smiled, "What myths are those?"
"Well", she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all Categories are the Irish."
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed.
"I'm sorry", she said. I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"
"Tonto", the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos but all my friends call me Paddy."
i was walking home from the pub last week when i got jumped by 5 guys, during the fracas i managed to knock one out... probably not the best time for a w@nk but i didnt know when id next get the chance
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
comment by Nostraduncus (U11713)
posted 34 minutes ago
i was walking home from the pub last week when i got jumped by 5 guys, during the fracas i managed to knock one out... probably not the best time for a w@nk but i didnt know when id next get the chance
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Not sure Dungeons version needed elaborating on tbh.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw
David Beckham gets into a London taxi and he sees the driver looking at him in the rear-view mirror.
After about five minutes the driver says: “OK give me a clue”.
Beckham says: “I had a glittering career at Manchester United, played in America and got over 100 caps for England, is that enough?”
The driver says: “No, you thick tw@t, where do you want to go?”
Ever tried blindfold archery?
No?
You don't know what you're missing.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
---------------------
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
Wanna hear a joke about my diick?
Actually no, it's too long
comment by Christopher (U20930)
posted 7 hours, 46 minutes ago
What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters but never has 5 letters.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Very true.
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
He lies awake at night wondering if there's a dog.
I would tell you the joke about the butter but you'll only spread it.
What's a Mexican's favourite sport?
Cross Country
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff
What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
Doug
What do you call a man without a spade on his head?
Douglas
comment by BATTYWACK (U2254)
posted 21 hours, 9 minutes ago
What’s E.T short for?
He’s got little legs.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a man without any shins?
Tony
what do you call an Indian man in a bin?
Ramagin
What do you call a black guy with a biscuit on his head?
Lionel Richtea
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The BIG Joke Thread
Page 4 of 4
posted on 10/10/19
I was rudely awoken at 2am this morning by 3 Man Utd fans playing football with a hedgehog outside my house.
I was outraged and shocked.
Was just about to ring the RSPCA when the hedgehog went 1.0 up.
posted on 10/10/19
A man boarded a plane at Sydney airport and, taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the aircraft.
He realised she was heading straight towards his seat, and bingo! She took the seat right beside him.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out: "Business trip or holiday?"
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in the United States .."
The man swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer", she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
Really?" he smiled, "What myths are those?"
"Well", she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all Categories are the Irish."
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed.
"I'm sorry", she said. I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"
"Tonto", the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos but all my friends call me Paddy."
posted on 10/10/19
i was walking home from the pub last week when i got jumped by 5 guys, during the fracas i managed to knock one out... probably not the best time for a w@nk but i didnt know when id next get the chance
posted on 10/10/19
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 10/10/19
comment by Nostraduncus (U11713)
posted 34 minutes ago
i was walking home from the pub last week when i got jumped by 5 guys, during the fracas i managed to knock one out... probably not the best time for a w@nk but i didnt know when id next get the chance
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Not sure Dungeons version needed elaborating on tbh.
posted on 10/10/19
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw
posted on 10/10/19
David Beckham gets into a London taxi and he sees the driver looking at him in the rear-view mirror.
After about five minutes the driver says: “OK give me a clue”.
Beckham says: “I had a glittering career at Manchester United, played in America and got over 100 caps for England, is that enough?”
The driver says: “No, you thick tw@t, where do you want to go?”
posted on 10/10/19
Ever tried blindfold archery?
No?
You don't know what you're missing.
posted on 10/10/19
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
---------------------
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
posted on 10/10/19
Wanna hear a joke about my diick?
Actually no, it's too long
posted on 10/10/19
comment by Christopher (U20930)
posted 7 hours, 46 minutes ago
What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters but never has 5 letters.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Very true.
posted on 11/10/19
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
He lies awake at night wondering if there's a dog.
posted on 11/10/19
I would tell you the joke about the butter but you'll only spread it.
posted on 11/10/19
What's a Mexican's favourite sport?
Cross Country
posted on 11/10/19
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff
posted on 11/10/19
What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
Doug
What do you call a man without a spade on his head?
Douglas
posted on 11/10/19
comment by BATTYWACK (U2254)
posted 21 hours, 9 minutes ago
What’s E.T short for?
He’s got little legs.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
posted on 11/10/19
What do you call a man without any shins?
Tony
posted on 11/10/19
what do you call an Indian man in a bin?
Ramagin
What do you call a black guy with a biscuit on his head?
Lionel Richtea
posted on 21/10/19
Martin Atkinson
Page 4 of 4