Climate Change and Football - The Future...

Good hi,

Well then, we all know that Planet Earth is bipolar, so has some pretty violent swings in climate. Which can be quite unpredictable (like all women). But, in a recent study I conducted (with my bum), it turns out that Planet Earth is actually tri-polar, with a 3rd pole located over the Stoke area. This pole creates severe localised conditions, which make football almost impossible for teams that are not called Stoke.
The only thing protecting Stoke from the dangerous sun is the atmosphere. The atmosphere created at the Britannia Stadium is second to no other rugby team.
The location of this 3rd pole and related atmosphere are crucial to the future of football, as I will prove with graphs from the MetOffice and Satellite images I just received from the Landsat Program.

Here is some data collected regarding climate severity/football playing conditions, in some of the main footballing cities in Britain:




Climate Severity/Football Playing Conditions in UK 2011 (MetOffice)

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LDN-------MAN-------LIV--------STK--------NEW-------EDN-------ABD


KEY
- Temperate/reasonable conditions
- A bitty chilly
- A bitty wet
- COLD, WET, AND WINDY AND ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO PLAY IN



Landsat 7 Satellite Image 2011 (Climate in British Isles) - Live Image (Ireland left the taps running)

























As you can see, the conditions in London, Manchester and Liverpool are pretty good for football. This is why these teams have won lots of stuff in the last few years. The conditions in Newcastle and Scotland have been pretty poor in the last few years, leading them to perform poorly and suffer football wise. At the 3rd pole at Stoke, the conditions have been horrendous and it is like a different planet going there to play football. Stoke have done really well as a rugby team to handle it.

Please now view the graph and live satellite image from 2021 regarding climate and football conditions:



Climate Severity/Football Playing Conditions in UK 2021 (MetOffice)

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LDN-------MAN-------LIV--------STK--------NEW-------EDN-------ABD

KEY
- Temperate/Satisfactory conditions
- A bitty chilly
- COLD, WET AND WINDY!
- PERFECT CONDITIONS





Landsat 7 Satellite image 2021 (Climate in British Isles) - Live Image (I have contacts)

























Do you notice the polar shift caused by climate change? The 3rd pole is now located over Newcastle, bringing the disgraceful conditions with it. The problem we have here is that the atmosphere at St James' JJB whatever stadium is terrible compared to Stoke, and I don't even think they have a rugby team. The atmosphere is so poor that teams playing there will suffer the full effects of the sun on a dark, cold, wet and windy night. Players will perish by the thousand. Cheers Newcastle with your grey seats, really inspires the fans..

All can be explained and prevented within the 10 year period between live satellite images, 2011-2021.
The problem is an evolutionary one, which can be blamed on FIFA and UEFA. Over the last few seasons UEFA and FIFA have awarded their trophies, both team and individual, to tiny little tippy tappy players and teams. This is causing human females to mate with smaller and smaller men in the hope that their child will be a successful footballer.
Contrary to popular belief, tiny little dwarf footballers like Messi actually cause more greenhouse gases than more portly and large footballers. Because smaller footballers tend to eat more fruit or vegetables, whatever a tomato is? Which is grown in a greenhouse, hence creating more greenhouse gases.
These tippy tappy nonsense players from La Liga or wherever are threatening our very existence on our planet regarding the 3rd pole.

I beg you, for the sake of humanity, please help in reversing this trend of evolutionary shrinking of humans by doing the following things:
When you are out at a human nightclub, please hit the small petite attractive girl that approaches you, with a bar stool. Then please go and mate with the massive moose like girl, to keep the tall, physical, proper footballers alive in the future.


Together we can reverse this detrimental trend and save the human race.


Swing low, sweeeeet chariooottttt.


Best wishes.