Went shopping the other day. Saw this bloke collecting money for the local hospice.

"What's a hospice", says I

He replies "about 2 gallons".

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Mick

Just for you.

Did you know they'd discovered the stain on Monica Lewinsky's dress was actually soup.

Cockk-a-leekie.

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Bill Clinton.. is that the young Democrat guy running for president?

He's not got a hope in hell

Jukes alien gag

Stupid or what.

I live in a small village with the population of about 300 people.

So why has the local shop got a sign reading ' 2014 calendars in stock?'

I bought a DVD the other day, on the back it said "3.142 stars out of 5."

I'm worried that it might be pirated.

What do you call a dog with 2 erseholes?

NDubz

I got knocked off my bike last night, cut up by a big truck with flashing yellow lights and "salt spreading" plastered all over it.

"Basturd" I muttered to myself through gritted teeth.

A few I ripped off sickipedia..

Just when we thought the Celebrity Death List was all but over for 2013, Michael Schumacher put in a tremendous final qualifying lap to take pole position.

Nelson Mandela has been described in South Africa as 'The Father Of Our Nation'.
And like most black fathers, he wasn't around for a good twenty years.

It's odd that Thelma & Louise spend an entire film challenging sexist stereotypes, then die at the end because of their terrible driving.

Well it's January the third and I must admit I have not yet seen a Bulgarian. But in all fairness, I have only been in Bulgaria for three days.

comment by Jukeboxjunkie - A wrong decision is better than indecision (U10162)



posted 22 minutes ago


I bought a DVD the other day, on the back it said "3.142 stars out of 5."

I'm worried that it might be pirated.
____________________________________________



Got that one - eventually.

Would have got it sooner if it was 3.14159

I still trying to work it oot show.

HNY puyol

pi-rated.

I had to dust off the memory banks as far back as my maths O grade for that one, and that's a bluddy long time ago.

Eh show,still don't get it,better dyson suck my dust aff.

Pi = 3.142

Is that the radius, or circumcision of a circle,juke?

Jew gotta be kidding me tbbab

puyol

Yer a lucky bassa, no getting that one.



Juke

Your fine highland education should have taught you that pi is not a definite integer. The numbers after the decimal point are indefinite (they go on forever).

In my day it was rounded to 3.14159. If this has now been reduced to 3.142 all it means is that the modern education system has been dumbed down somewhat.

So now you know.

In my day we have this amazing new invention called a calculator so we don't round it up at all

Juke

Like I say, dumbed down.

I love pi............

Did you know that one third of the world's population is obese,and the other three quarters are just fat,and too lazy to answer the survey.

BBAB

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

BTW BBAB

I got that one off QI.