Went to library to get a book on noise levels
They said what volume would you like?
I'm not going to read much into that
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity… it’s impossible to put down!
A book fell on my head the other day… I can only blame my shelf!
On an unrelated note.. RIP Sean Connery
You're a bit late there Pun ?
I asked the librarian if she could recommend an author who wrote books about dinosaurs.
She said, "Try Sarah Topps."
Bought a dinosaur toy for my nephew on Amazon. I'm not sure if it'll come gift raptor not.
A jockey was riding the favourite at a race meeting, and was well ahead of the field. His horse rounded the final corner, when suddenly the jockey was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages. He just about managed to keep control of his mount and edged back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence. With great skill he managed to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he was struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding. Somewhat distracted, he succeeded in coming only second.
He immediately went to the race stewards to complain and ask for the race to be re-run. The stewards ask him on what grounds. The jockey replied. "On the home straight, I was seriously hampered.......!"
4za
Do you know what a christmas hamper is?
nope
is it something Santa drives around in?
Scrooge was sitting in his office in the week before Christmas. He was counting his money, making sure he had made enough profit for the year.
Suddenly, he became aware of a noise. It was one of those irritating humming noises that once you've noticed it, you can't concentrate on anything else, so after some time trying to ignore it, he decided to investigate.
He looked all around, and finally managed to pin-point the sound coming from under his desk.
Bending down to look under the desk, he was surprised to see Jiminy Cricket, playing a tune.
He crouched down, and said "Jiminy!" (for they already knew each other), "what are you doing?"
"I'm singing you a Christmas carol," Jiminy replied, "but I've forgotten the words, so I'm just humming it instead."
"That's not all," says Scrooge, "You're only humming the first bar, over and over again."
"Well," says Jiminy, "I guess that makes me a bar hum bug."
Jeez some neighbours can be so inconsiderate.
Mine knocked on my door at 2am this morning. Good job I was still up practising my bagpipes!! (as if !!)
Bagpipes are the worst thing ever
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OnlyPuns (and other jokes)
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posted on 13/12/20
Went to library to get a book on noise levels
They said what volume would you like?
posted on 13/12/20
I'm not going to read much into that
posted on 13/12/20
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity… it’s impossible to put down!
posted on 13/12/20
GO ON KIT
posted on 13/12/20
A book fell on my head the other day… I can only blame my shelf!
posted on 13/12/20
On an unrelated note.. RIP Sean Connery
posted on 13/12/20
You're a bit late there Pun ?
posted on 13/12/20
Oh, just got it
posted on 13/12/20
posted on 15/12/20
I asked the librarian if she could recommend an author who wrote books about dinosaurs.
She said, "Try Sarah Topps."
posted on 15/12/20
Bought a dinosaur toy for my nephew on Amazon. I'm not sure if it'll come gift raptor not.
posted on 16/12/20
A jockey was riding the favourite at a race meeting, and was well ahead of the field. His horse rounded the final corner, when suddenly the jockey was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages. He just about managed to keep control of his mount and edged back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence. With great skill he managed to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he was struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding. Somewhat distracted, he succeeded in coming only second.
He immediately went to the race stewards to complain and ask for the race to be re-run. The stewards ask him on what grounds. The jockey replied. "On the home straight, I was seriously hampered.......!"
posted on 16/12/20
Amazing Kit
How are you?
posted on 16/12/20
i dont get it
posted on 16/12/20
4za
Do you know what a christmas hamper is?
posted on 16/12/20
nope
is it something Santa drives around in?
posted on 16/12/20
Err... sure
posted on 16/12/20
All good here thanks
posted on 16/12/20
Scrooge was sitting in his office in the week before Christmas. He was counting his money, making sure he had made enough profit for the year.
Suddenly, he became aware of a noise. It was one of those irritating humming noises that once you've noticed it, you can't concentrate on anything else, so after some time trying to ignore it, he decided to investigate.
He looked all around, and finally managed to pin-point the sound coming from under his desk.
Bending down to look under the desk, he was surprised to see Jiminy Cricket, playing a tune.
He crouched down, and said "Jiminy!" (for they already knew each other), "what are you doing?"
"I'm singing you a Christmas carol," Jiminy replied, "but I've forgotten the words, so I'm just humming it instead."
"That's not all," says Scrooge, "You're only humming the first bar, over and over again."
"Well," says Jiminy, "I guess that makes me a bar hum bug."
posted on 16/12/20
posted on 16/12/20
RANGERS LOST
posted on 17/12/20
Jeez some neighbours can be so inconsiderate.
Mine knocked on my door at 2am this morning. Good job I was still up practising my bagpipes!! (as if !!)
posted on 17/12/20
Bagpipes are the worst thing ever
posted on 17/12/20
They are!!
posted on 17/12/20
it snowed
Page 91 of 300
92 | 93 | 94 | 95 | 96