comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 2 hours, 58 minutes ago
comment by Sheriff JW Pepper (U1007)
posted 48 seconds ago
comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 2 hours, 20 minutes ago
comment by Sheriff JW Pepper (U1007)
posted 3 minutes ago
In the subcontinent conflict India have dropped millions of poppadoms on Pakistan
Apparently that was just for starters
----------------------------------------------------------------------
You stole that
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A mate at golf told me it today.... And show me a joke that hasn't been stolen somewhere
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Fooking golf
----------------------------------------------------------------------
You disgust me
comment by Sheriff JW Pepper (U1007)
posted 5 minutes ago
comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 2 hours, 58 minutes ago
comment by Sheriff JW Pepper (U1007)
posted 48 seconds ago
comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 2 hours, 20 minutes ago
comment by Sheriff JW Pepper (U1007)
posted 3 minutes ago
In the subcontinent conflict India have dropped millions of poppadoms on Pakistan
Apparently that was just for starters
----------------------------------------------------------------------
You stole that
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A mate at golf told me it today.... And show me a joke that hasn't been stolen somewhere
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Fooking golf
----------------------------------------------------------------------
You disgust me
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Used to work at the golf clubhouses in St Andrews, hated every second of it
Spent £300 on a limo and discovered the fee doesn't include a driver.
All that money spent and nothing to chauffeur it
Some bloke came up to the counter today and said "burger and fries please"
"Are you eating in or taking out" I replied
"Fuccck off you priiick” he snapped as he grabbed his food and stormed off
I love working in the prison canteen
A photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar hit him on the head.
To be fair, the people being photographed did try to warn him
I’ll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle
My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable
It seemed to take an age but eventually there she was stood beside me
I gave her a cheeky wink and said “Get that trolley over here love, they’re doing 3 cases of Stella for the price of 2”
Some said I have a face like the back of a boat.
I didn't reply.
I just gave him a stern look.
My wife asked me if her appendix scar made her look unattractive
Apparently “don’t worry about it love, your tiiits cover it up” wasn’t the answer she was looking for
I was in a club on Saturday night when a really ugly girl came up and squeezed my ar$e and said “give me your phone number sexy”
“Have you got a pen?” I replied
She smiled and said “yea”
I said “Well get back to it then before the farmer notices you’re missing”
My wife asked me for some money for a boob job
I said “just rub toilet paper on your chest”
She said “will that make them bigger then?”
I said “Well, look what it’s done for your ar5e!”
The last thing my ex said to me was, “I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis.” I replied, “That's 15 love!”
I caught the scent of a fire earlier as I walked past it
Ahhh Bicester….
comment by WeekendOffender (U22920)
posted 4 hours, 53 minutes ago
I caught the scent of a fire earlier as I walked past it
Ahhh Bicester….
----------------------------------------------------------------------
i donet gettit
comment by Barefoot (U19770)
posted 5 hours, 36 minutes ago
Bisto?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
yeah...generational thing
A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.
Doctors have described his condition as stable.
posted 3 weeks, 6 days ago
comment by Boris 'Inky’ Gibson (U5901)
posted 6 hours, 10 minutes ago
A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.
Doctors have described his condition as stable.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Did he check in on the neighbours?
posted 2 weeks, 5 days ago
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be a Pharaoh Rocher.
Sign in if you want to comment
OnlyPuns (and other jokes)
Page 285 of 286
282 | 283 | 284 | 285 | 286
posted on 10/5/25
Acknowledged
posted on 10/5/25
comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 2 hours, 58 minutes ago
comment by Sheriff JW Pepper (U1007)
posted 48 seconds ago
comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 2 hours, 20 minutes ago
comment by Sheriff JW Pepper (U1007)
posted 3 minutes ago
In the subcontinent conflict India have dropped millions of poppadoms on Pakistan
Apparently that was just for starters
----------------------------------------------------------------------
You stole that
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A mate at golf told me it today.... And show me a joke that hasn't been stolen somewhere
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Fooking golf
----------------------------------------------------------------------
You disgust me
posted on 10/5/25
comment by Sheriff JW Pepper (U1007)
posted 5 minutes ago
comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 2 hours, 58 minutes ago
comment by Sheriff JW Pepper (U1007)
posted 48 seconds ago
comment by Pun (U21588)
posted 2 hours, 20 minutes ago
comment by Sheriff JW Pepper (U1007)
posted 3 minutes ago
In the subcontinent conflict India have dropped millions of poppadoms on Pakistan
Apparently that was just for starters
----------------------------------------------------------------------
You stole that
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A mate at golf told me it today.... And show me a joke that hasn't been stolen somewhere
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Fooking golf
----------------------------------------------------------------------
You disgust me
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Used to work at the golf clubhouses in St Andrews, hated every second of it
posted on 11/5/25
Spent £300 on a limo and discovered the fee doesn't include a driver.
All that money spent and nothing to chauffeur it
posted on 11/5/25
Good one
posted on 11/5/25
posted on 12/5/25
Some bloke came up to the counter today and said "burger and fries please"
"Are you eating in or taking out" I replied
"Fuccck off you priiick” he snapped as he grabbed his food and stormed off
I love working in the prison canteen
posted on 12/5/25
A photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar hit him on the head.
To be fair, the people being photographed did try to warn him
posted on 12/5/25
I’ll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle
My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable
It seemed to take an age but eventually there she was stood beside me
I gave her a cheeky wink and said “Get that trolley over here love, they’re doing 3 cases of Stella for the price of 2”
posted on 12/5/25
All acknowledged
posted on 12/5/25
Some said I have a face like the back of a boat.
I didn't reply.
I just gave him a stern look.
posted on 12/5/25
My wife asked me if her appendix scar made her look unattractive
Apparently “don’t worry about it love, your tiiits cover it up” wasn’t the answer she was looking for
posted on 12/5/25
I was in a club on Saturday night when a really ugly girl came up and squeezed my ar$e and said “give me your phone number sexy”
“Have you got a pen?” I replied
She smiled and said “yea”
I said “Well get back to it then before the farmer notices you’re missing”
posted on 12/5/25
My wife asked me for some money for a boob job
I said “just rub toilet paper on your chest”
She said “will that make them bigger then?”
I said “Well, look what it’s done for your ar5e!”
posted on 12/5/25
Rispetti le donne!
posted on 12/5/25
Gotta no respect
posted on 15/5/25
The last thing my ex said to me was, “I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis.” I replied, “That's 15 love!”
posted on 15/5/25
Acknowledged!
posted on 20/5/25
I caught the scent of a fire earlier as I walked past it
Ahhh Bicester….
posted on 21/5/25
comment by WeekendOffender (U22920)
posted 4 hours, 53 minutes ago
I caught the scent of a fire earlier as I walked past it
Ahhh Bicester….
----------------------------------------------------------------------
i donet gettit
posted on 21/5/25
Bisto?
posted on 21/5/25
comment by Barefoot (U19770)
posted 5 hours, 36 minutes ago
Bisto?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
yeah...generational thing
posted 4 weeks ago
A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.
Doctors have described his condition as stable.
posted 3 weeks, 6 days ago
comment by Boris 'Inky’ Gibson (U5901)
posted 6 hours, 10 minutes ago
A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.
Doctors have described his condition as stable.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Did he check in on the neighbours?
posted 2 weeks, 5 days ago
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be a Pharaoh Rocher.
Page 285 of 286
282 | 283 | 284 | 285 | 286